Murder Cycle

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by JayeKnight_

by JayeKnight_

I'd love to tell you about a murder story
But this isn't about a psycho killer
It's about the cycle of my murdering thoughts
Thoughts of self hatred, and resentment

Why do i feel like shit?
Why do i feel unwanted?
Why do i feel easily ignored?
To be forgotten?

I know, I love well.
I can provide an unfamiliar kind of love
Like you've never known love before

A love that will fight
A love that will choose
A love that will sacrifice
A love that will endure

I don't think I'm that bad
I thought, I have given enough of myself
To the point where I am almost empty.
I have been working and trying so hard

To be understanding enough,
Mature enough,
Healthy enough,
Healed enough...

But why, why do i still feel like shit?

Maybe, I'm not giving enough
Or I'm not strong enough
Not brave enough
Not handsome enough
And not man enough

Can someone just please tell me
How can I be enough?
What can I do to fill in the empty spaces?
So I can finally prove you my worth

So you can finally see me as enough
Enough to take care of you
Enough to protect you
Enough to love you

I have so much love to give
But it seems like you're disgusted by it
You hide, you run
Every time I take a step closer
You take ten steps away farther

I'm sick of being tired
I wonder why I haven't died,
'Cause waiting for you is like a murder cycle
It's killing me over and over and over

It's killing me
Every time you pretend I don't exist
It's killing me
Every time you choose not to choose us
And what we could've been

I guess, all of these fragments
Will simply be forgotten
While parts of you will remain in me
Not only to remind me of the best love that I will never have

But to haunt me,
and continue this murder cycle.