Doux

Nursing a hurt finger

I was in a hurry, I was to meet my
friend at 5. In my hurry and my mind
already on the way I got my finger
stuck between the door and the frame.
It bled all the way as I kept licking it, the
lady who sat next to me on the bus was
quite worried. My friend offered some
antiseptic but I was afraid it would sting.
I said I would put some ointment on
it when I got back home. The pain
subsided as the day passed, she made
me some tea which tasted awful and
told me about her boyfriend who was an
asshole. I was quite disappointed
when I realized I had no secrets to
offer her in return, it was poor business
considering everything we have both been
through, an long and thriving trade of secrets
and petty jealousies and simple love.
She walked me to the bus stop. It was
only after I was under the covers
trying to forget who I was that I remembered
the ointment and my finger, but I didn't get
up. Instead, I laid awake for hours and stared
at my phone and finally got to sleep
around 4.

My finger swelled up in the morning, there
was a scar the shape of the Mediterranean Sea
which ached dully when pressed. I discovered the perverse pleasure of inflicting dull pain
on yourself and pretending it was retribution.