Aligning the Forgotten ✓

Chapter 5: Roux

"You could have died."

Shoulders drooping from exhaustion, I drop my satchel and sheath onto the bed. Every time I come back from another night in the pits, Celestine is there to tell me my wrong-doings. More than one thing is on her mind, apparently.

I plop down onto the edge of the bed and put my face in my hands, scrubbing with sand-crusted hands, hoping to wipe the fatigue away. It lingers, but I know that if I try to sleep, Celestine will force me back up. After I started sleeping in her chambers, we've had nothing but time to talk about the many things plaguing her, including my new habit of killing fighters in the pits. She says I've changed. This conversation will be no different.

"You could have died. I'd then have nothing," she goes on to say. She stands in the room's middle, feet bare, wearing a white smoke that nearly reaches her ankles.

Sleeping attire. But when I walked in the room with evidence of the pits covering my body, she wasn't lost in her dreams. Instead, the flattened tracks in the rug and the way she's constantly biting at her nails or tugging on her hair, tells me enough about what she was doing before I arrived. She's been pacing. All night.

I drag my hands through my hair and Celestine frowns. That look is all too familiar, she's upset about the sand particles now covering her duvet. "You have plenty," I correct. "You have Hallie, Dalis, Silas—"

"No," she interrupts. "None of that matters if I don't have you." The edge of her voice cracks and I look up, finding tears in her eyes. Her skin is a flickering shade of orange as the torch on the wall provides only the necessary light. She already pulled the curtains over the windows, surprising for Celestine since she always keeps watch until I arrive Binx, shuffling up the stairs to her chambers. 

Ever since that day, when my transformation became complete, I haven't been able to sleep across the hall of that empty room. There's too much of Renit in his belongings, the smell of his duvet, and in the memories we share—one after the other that ended terribly. So, instead of sleeping in the chambers granted by the king, I've pulled a cot into Celestine's chambers and have remained there, despite her telling me it was best to not change too much.

Whatever that means.

"Nothing is going to happen to me," I say, my voice softening. "I won, I'm still here."

"I don't care if you won," she snaps. "They still get their hands on you, and they...they hurt you, Roux. It's not safe. They can kill you, just like that." She snaps two fingers together, the sound popping in my ears as exhaustion drags me under.

I won't fight her on this; she's right. My sister, my shining light and the only member of my family I have left, shouldn't have to worry about my safety. If something does happen, she'll be the last of the Aimrey line and we'll disappear like ghosts in the wind. Same as Renit.

I should have gone after him, I should have made him pay for what he did. It's not fair for someone like him, the king's weapon, to run free. The king gave him mercy for a reason I don't understand—one he never shared. He should have died in that throne room. I imagine myself swinging the ax, being the one to end his life after all the terrible things he's done. Too many to count.

Running my fingers over the scars on the inside of my wrists, I feel his phantom grip. Those scars are my reminder that even a prince, someone capable of love, can also be the one to twist happiness into darkness. That's exactly what he did.

"I promise I'll be safer," I offer.

That's not enough. She shakes her head before the words are out. "If you're still fighting in the pits, then you're not safe. None of what you've been doing this past month is safe!" Her voice rises to a dangerous level as it echoes off the stone walls of her dark chambers. As if fearing her rage, the flame flickers "You've changed, Roux, and not for the better. I don't—I don't know who you are anymore."