Trauma

Deep breath

Bucky let Steve pull him into the living room, where Bruce Banner sat on the sofa, sipping coffee. He looked up as the two inhabitants entered the room. Bucky watched him closely. The man looked exhausted but that was nothing new, he was constantly exhausted, barely sleeping because he kept himself busy with work. In Bucky's opinion Banner couldn't shine with a healthy psyche himself.

"Oh my god, you look like shit" , greeted Banner, being decent enough not to look Bucky up and down.

"Thank you, you don't look any better yourself" , snapped Bucky, his anger rising. He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to see this man right now, he didn't want to see anyone right now! And Banner didn't have the right to judge! In fact, no one had the right to judge. Once again Bucky found himself thinking about turning around and running away but this time he decided against it. It would get rather embarrassing if he just turned around and ran. And Steve would catch him, just like he'd catch a stray dog on the run. There was no way out of this.

"Woah, Barnes, calm down! What's wrong?" , asked Banner.

Why did everyone always assume that something was wrong?! Why couldn't they just look at him and accept that he was looking like shit and that he didn't want to talk about it.

"Why would something be wrong with me?!" , snapped Bucky, not hiding his anger for there was no reason to. He wanted Banner to leave and if being angry at him helped than he would do it. It didn't seem to help though. Banner didn't seem shocked at all, his eyes displayed pity and Bucky was sick of people pitying him.

"Because you are half naked, drenched in water, shaking, there's water dripping from your eyes which could definitely be seen as tears, you snap at people what you don't normally do. You overall act like an injured animal and that suggests that something is utterly wrong with you" , explained Banner. And it was then that Bucky realised, that he was, in fact, crying. He'd lost control again, his wards were down. Again. God, he was a failure but why did he have to be shown that over and over and over again?

At least the tears were silent this time.

"And even if something was wrong with me, it's none of your business! Please, Banner, I don't want to talk about it. Not with you, not with Steve. In fact, not with anyone" , sighed Bucky. Banner smiled an understanding smile even though he couldn't possibly understand anything and nodded towards Bucky's bleeding feet.

"Shall I help you with that?" , he asked. And Bucky nodded for Banner was a lot better at healing physical wounds than at healing mental ones.

"Okay, sit down here, then" , ordered Bruce, now all businesslike, inviting Bucky to sit down next to him on the sofa, "Steve, please get me a bowl of water, I'll need to clean his feet."

And Banner took care of his feet. It wasn't a nice procedure. There were pebbles in his sole which had to be removed and the desinfectioning part burned like crazy but the physical pain number the mental one. Steve provided both men with tea and light conversation and the mood got a little better. Bucky was relieved that Banner said he'd leave now because it was getting late. Bucky felt unbelievably exhausted and he wanted to take a shower. Really.

"You two should go visit a vet on monday, it's too late to try today and if you go on the weekend it will only be extra expensive for you. The dog isn't in desperate need of a doctor, his paws will heal, but I dare say that he's in need of a therapist. His soul needs healing" , and while saying that Banner looked at Bucky. The former Winter soldier caught this glance and instantly lowered his gaze. Banner was right and Bucky knew it. Both him and the dog needed mental support.

As soon as the door closed behinf the unwanted guest Bucky got to his feet, heading for the bathroom. Steve had walked the doctor to the door and caught up with Bucky when his hands had just touched the door handle.