To die with you *wroetoshaw* ✔

5

It was the day after I had told JJ and for some reason I felt really calm. One with myself it whatever. I was sat in my house tidying it and shit when my phone began to buzz. Haz 🥵🤭 popped up on the screen. I was quick to answer 'hel-' I was cut off extremely quickly 'come to the sidemen house. Quick.ok love you bye' he was so blunt as he hung up the phone. I didnt even get in a love you too prick. Regardless I hopped into my car looking like a tramp, my joggers on with a top I would never wear out because my cleavage was heavily on show plus my hair was up in a very untidy messy bun with a few crazy strands out at the front.

I didnt even have to knock the door josh was waiting for me behind it. I quickly pushed past him to be faced by 6 boys staring at me. 'What did you say to him' simon demanded but I watched as tobi layed his hand on Simon's arm trying to calm him. 'What?' I was extremely confused. 'JJ hasn't come out of his room since that post of you' Ethan muttered head down. I felt my heart shatter he had done this before separate himself when finding out about bad things.

I turned and punched the boys wall and j watched as they all flinched. 'I need to know exactly how many times hes come down for food overnight' the boys stared at me blank faces until Simon piped up. 'Last night around 11pm in complete silence' I gave him a slight nod and headed up stairs. Simon grabbed my hand 'what happened though?' I let my face fall as i wasnt ready to share with the boys. 'I had to tell JJ about someone dieing soon someone hes close with' I knew that simon completely understood I wasn't ready to share anymore and he nodded his head and let go of my hand.

'Jide' I whispered softly against his door grin it one simple knock. 'Y/n just leave' I shook my head even if he couldnt see. I knew how to pick locks. Dont ask. I jammed a hair clip that I always carry round with me. I slowly opened the door to see JJ laid across his bed still as fuck. I walked over with caution and sat beside him. 'Leave me alone' he muttered. 'No. Stop being sad JJ!' I was gonna do everything I could to make him better. I stood up and began to rant 'JJ! do you really want me to spend the next to years getting you out of bed because your sad, 2 years down the line when I'm gone are you gonna be okay with knowing that we could of made these the best 2 years but you were busy sulking?' I watched as JJ sat himself up a little.

'I think you're right'he decided giving me a bear hug and I cuddled into him. 'The boys are worried about you go tell them you're okay and let's do this shit'. I take his hand lightly we made our way down the stairs. I caught harry's eye and I watched as his face lit up seeing JJ along with the rest of them. I never did realise how much of a family they were it really was amazing. All 6 of those boys tackled him in a hug. 'IM BACK N**GAS' I laughed as JJ shouted and let out his awfully familiar laugh. JJ looked at me in the eye but I just smiled a simple smile.

Heading back to my house I began to cry. I started to hyperventilate and I pulled over into a empty carpark. I hit my wheel and screamed. It was a scream of hurt, of pain, of anger and of mixed emotions. I never did understand why I deserved my illness. Never. I already had dealt with growing up without both parents and that sucked but them to have my illness. What the fuck did I do?

Sat in my car I finally realised after years of wondering I realised why I was like I was. The reason I wasn't with my parents when they died was because I was in a temper tantrum I didnt want to see my mums friend. I couldn't be more pissed with myself . The reason I wasn't with them was because I was ungrateful.  I deserved this illness and I deserved to die I was a bad person. I got flashed back to reality when someone knocked on my window.

(A/N) please vote and also my other book is on 4.96 OMFG thanku if you've read that one x