Being gay is a curse when the homophobia you grew up with was so bad that you're homophobic yourself. Especially when you're into unavailable guys like your roommate, whose girlfriend is everything you're not (though appearances can be deceiving). S...
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I didn't really want to go to the party, but Carl insisted it would be a good distraction after the disaster at home. And honestly, a party sounded a million times better than pouting on Carl's sofa and thinking about all the things my family had said, so I agreed to go. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
When we were on our way to the party, Carl asked if I was going to stay in the closet and my first instinct was to say yes. I'd spent so much time hiding that it had become almost second nature, but now that my family knew... there was really no reason to hide. I didn't have to hide. Finally, I didn't have to fucking hide anymore.
The surprise on Jackson's face when we showed up together was definitely worth it.
He smiled and welcomed us, but we didn't really speak to him the rest of the evening. I saw other familiar faces, but again, I didn't really speak to them. It was fine like this. I could watch all the shit everyone got up to without getting involved and that was enough.
Watching Carl talk to people was amusing too. When it was just the two of us, he was always kind of awkward and he ignored almost every phone call he got and chose staying home over going out every single time, yet here he was, talking to people like he was born for it. He'd once told me he was introverted, and I'd called him a liar, because the first two times we talked in the bar he appeared to be an extrovert. He'd said there was a difference between an introvert and an introvert with people skills. Clearly.
One thing we didn't anticipate was that we might run into one of his subscribers.
There was a girl with black bangs and a nose piercing, who smiled like she'd won the grand prize when she saw Carl. She suddenly walked up to him and said, "Hi!"
"Hi?" he said.
"Sorry, I watch your videos," she chuckled softly, before pushing her hair behind her ear and offering him a hand. "I'm Barbara."
"Oh." He shook her hand with a smile. "Nice to meet you, Barbara."
She was beaming. "Are you friends with the, uh... with Mason and Kenny?"
"Uhh, no, I'm—" He glanced at me. "Not directly, no."
Barbara looked at me too, but it didn't seem to click because she asked, "Friend of a friend then?"
There was a moment of silence. At least, among the three of us. There was more than enough noise around us, but it might as well have been dead silent. Carl threw me a look and I cleared my throat and shifted on my feet. I appreciated that he was leaving it up to me considering this involved not just random partygoers but his subscribers as well, but I didn't really know what to do. I hadn't changed my mind—if my family knew, they could know too—but what did he expect me to say? All that came out was, "Um..."
"Nate, can I please have some confirmation?" Carl asked.
