To Zion

23

"Hey, Zion, wait up!"

I turned around quickly, recognizing the voice as Miller's, but not being able to see them through all the other people walking down the hallway. Literature class had just ended, and it was only the second time since I'd been to school here that I didn't sit up in the front with Cooper. I still had no idea what to say to him. No idea how to act around anyone anymore.

I took a step to the side, and waited for Miller to catch up with me. They did a few seconds later, adjusting the strap of their backpack, and looking like they'd left class in a hurry.

"You walk fast." They huffed out a breath, eyes not quite meeting mine, but looking beyond me.

"Sorry, I didn't know I was being followed."

"Well, at least I know now that you weren't running from me."

"Why would I be running from you?" I tried to catch their eyes, but Miller wouldn't hold my gaze for more than a second.

"Well, you have to admit that it's been kind of...awkward recently." They clasped their hands together, looking uncomfortable and sad.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out.

"No, don't be." Miller smiled kindly at me, making me feel even worse.

"I know, but I—"

"You said you were going to tell me about letters?" They asked hopefully, cutting me off before I could apologize again.

"Yeah...yeah I was. But not here." I glanced around at the few stragglers still heading out of their classes. Miller nodded, gripping the straps of their backpack.

"We can talk somewhere else? Or I can just walk with you? I don't have anywhere to get to."

"Don't you go home with Cooper?" I asked, feeling my heart ache at just the sound of his name.

"Not all the time. I like being by myself sometimes." They smiled at me, and it amazed me that they could smile at me with so much warmth. Me. The person who made them cry not very long ago.

"Sure, we can walk."

They followed behind me, trying to keep up, and I made myself walk a little slower. Neither of us spoke until we found a place to sit. There was an empty playground right next to our school, and Miller lead us towards the swings. I think they just didn't want to sit still while he talked.

"So, about your letters?" Miller turned their beautiful face towards me, and I found myself wondering what color their eyes were. Light brown? Green maybe? Or hazel, like mine? It was hard to tell, but the late afternoon sunlight was hitting them perfectly, making them look ten times as beautiful as they normally did.

So I explained everything to them. About how I got the first airplane, up until the day that Cooper and Laurie finally told me the truth.

"So they....they wrote the letters...for me?" They whispered, looking lost, eyes meeting mine in bewilderment.

"I guess. But how was I supposed to guess that they were from you? And now I just feel stupid." I kicked at the bark chips beneath my feet, gripping the cold chain of the swing as tightly as I could.

"Why do you feel stupid, Zion?" Their voice was gentle, soothing even.

"Because I was so taken in. I even started to think that I—" I couldn't go on, finding the words choked up in the back of my throat. I blinked quickly to hide the tears in my eyes, kicking off of the ground slightly to let my swing rock back and forth. Anything to avoid having to sit still while I told Miller how stupid I was.

"I don't think that's stupid."

"And then I led you on! And I'll admit, I was flattered that you liked me, but I kept thinking about the secret admirer, only for it to all be a trick! It's so stupid, and—"

"Hey!" Miller grabbed the chain of my swing, bringing me to an abrupt stop, their voice firmer than I'd ever heard it before. "You aren't stupid. You reacting the way you are isn't stupid. What Cooper and Laurie did was...wait...Laurie wrote those letters as if they were from me?"

I blinked, then nodded, trying to catch up with their train of thought.

"So he...he made it sound like it came from me, which means he...son of a bitch!" Miller stood quickly, running a hand through their hair, and looking thoroughly upset.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked in alarm, trying to remember a time when I'd heard Miller swear.

"It's just...Laurie is great, and I love him to death, but he pries. And he's a sucker for any hopeless love story, because up until he met Cooper, he never thought he'd find a person he could be with. So—"

"You know about Cooper and Laurie?" I asked in alarm, and Miller quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Of course? Laurie is a super good friend, and I kind of see Cooper a lot now." They laughed, and my heart almost melted at the sound.

"Oh, right, go ahead."

"Well, I told him once about how I liked you, and that I'd never work up the nerve to tell you, and so ever since then he wanted to know more. Wanted to know why I liked you, and...stuff like that." They rubbed the back of their neck awkwardly.

"Anyways, i ended up talking to him quite a bit about you...sorry...and, one day he found a bunch of stuff I wrote down. Just, stupid things. Things I used to want to say to you I'd I had the courage." They bit their bottom lip, looking hesitant to continue. Looking uncomfortable after revealing how long they had liked me.

"So...so what I'm saying is this. I have no idea what was in those letters, but...there's a good chance it's a lot like the things I wrote down or told Laurie. So...Zion!" They grabbed my hand, and I looked at them quickly, seeing their eyes alight with excitement.

"Sneak into my house with me, and I can find my book I wrote that stuff in."

"You really want me to read that?" I asked, not sure why Miller would want me to read something so personal and revealing.

"I don't really want you to, but if it's the same as what was in those airplanes, then...minus the super cute idea, and the airplanes...I'm basically your secret admirer."

"Miller..." I didn't want to hurt them again. To raise up their hopes for no reason. What if the things the showed me were nothing like the letters? What if I read them and things were even more awkward between us?

"C'mon, Zion. I'm sure I'm right about this. And if I'm wrong, what do I have to lose? I already know you don't like me, so this is just to help you clear up your secret admirer problem."

Was it? I looked down at their hopeful face, and then at their hands that held mine.

"I never said I didn't like you." I said gently, and Miller's face darkened a little, hands letting go of mine.

"Just that you don't like me enough. I understand that. Now, can we go find these letters? I'd go by myself, but I'm terrified of running into my mom alone."

And so that's how Miller and I ended up at their house, searching everywhere for an old notebook that held their deepest secrets. And that's how I found, word for word, almost everything I had read in those paper airplanes. Miller had practically written letters of things they had always wanted to say to me. The only thing missing was the paper airplane to convey them with.

And that's when I really needed to rethink my life.