Queen of the track

XV

Chapter 15.

Raven

Each time AJ and I have gone to the County Prison, our car rides have always been tense and quiet, the weight of our family's situation resting heavily on our shoulders. Today, the car is tense for an entirely different reason.

Last night, when AJ returned to Jonah's house after dropping him off at the hospital, he drove everyone home. When I walked into my room just after four A.M I didn't even bother changing my clothes before collapsing onto my bed and falling asleep. I regretted this decision when I woke up four hours later and had to spend twenty minutes scrubbing off my make-up and trying to untangle my hair.

The drive to County is just over two-and-a-half hours long, which means AJ and I have sat in silence for almost two hours now, his music being the only sound to fill the car. I brought two water bottles with me and we stopped at McDonald's for breakfast to help the hangover pass a little quicker, but it isn't really helping much.

"The guys are at the hospital." I say as I read through our group chat that keeps lighting up my screen. "Jonah's okay, but they can't replace his filling until his dad fills out some paperwork."

AJ doesn't reply, but I can tell that he's thinking hard about last night, about Ryan.

"Do you ... wanna talk about it?" I ask cautiously, gauging his reaction. His hands tighten around the wheel and his eyebrows furrow a little bit.

"I just keep wondering what he wanted to talk about." AJ licks his lips and shakes his head a little in frustration. "I mean, should I have said yes? Or ... I don't—I don't know, Remy." AJ sighs at the end and I tilt my head to look at him.

"You can't keep dwelling on last night." I shake my head. "Your decision was made by your head, not your heart."

"Yeah." He agrees.

After a moment of silence, I carry on. "How you feel won't change any time soon, because you haven't let Ryan go. He's still ... here. He's still a big part of our lives and nothing can change that. He keeps showing up at places we least expect him too." I shake my head. "He's going to keep trying to get back in, AJ, but you can't let him. We can't let him. He's hurt our family too much."

AJ nods, and the rest of our journey is filled with silence again.

Considering we're going in to the prison, there's just as much security as if we were trying to break out. When we enter, we hand over our identifications and visitation form, put our personal affects into a locker and get patted down and body scanned before we're allowed into the visitor's room.

As usual, as we wait at a table surrounded by other awaiting friends and families, AJ's leg starts to bounce. He does it every time—I think it's either nerves or annoyance, it's hard to tell the difference with him. I look around, seeing that there are a couple of kids and parents, but not a lot, and most visitors appear to be women visiting their partners.

I look up when the door at the far end of the room opens, a guard walks through followed by a line of inmates, all dressed in a hideous orange and with their hands cuffed in front of them. AJ and I stand up on instinct, searching the face of each man that walks into the room until our eyes fall onto our father.

Although I let myself relax at the sight of him, AJ tenses. Yes, he's a bit more battered and bruised than the last time we saw him, but at least he's able to walk—even if it is with a little limp.