SOLITUDE

Chapter Fifteen

Louis definitely swore he could feel his own heart stop beating in just half a second, his mouth feeling too dry to say anything else, his blue eyes wide, mirroring the younger boy's expression. He didn't mean to say it, honestly, he didn't, but with the way the three small words echoed in his mind over and over again for the past half an hour he couldn't help himself from letting it slip past his lips.

Harry's eyes were staring back at him, the green only slightly visible through the darkness of the kitchen, his long fingers gripping Louis' shoulders hard, his body pushed back from where it was pressed against the older boy's, his lips - still red and slightly chapped from the way they were kissing just a moment prior - they were parted, his features drawn into a small confused frown. Only then Louis realised that Harry's hands were shaking and he let out a small whine.

He messed up bad. Real bad. He reached out to Harry, pushing back the sob, his figers gently pulling on the rim of his shirt shakily as he drew in another quick breath, eyes scanning Harry's face, the layer of tears clouding his eyes.

"You're not serious?" Harry whispered, his eyes watery and probably more than just a little confused, as he looked past Louis' shoulder at the kitchen wall. Louis swallowed nervously.

"Oh- oh god, Harry, sorry. Please don't cry - no, I didn't mean to - oh god, I'm so sorry," He choked out, air surpringly lacking in his lungs and he breathed in shakily, his hands trailing down Harry's waist where they gripped the material tightly for the long minutes that have just passed, his eyes wide, scared. Harry looked down, the only sound between them being the material of their shirts ruffled. "I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry,"

Truth is, he wasn't scared of what Harry thought of him for loving him. Truth was, he was scared of Harry leaving him because of Louis loving him.

Harry breathed in shakily, one tear spilling over his eyelid, and slowly streamed over his long eyelashes, down the soft cheek. He reached up, wiping it away with his hand - something Louis would usually do, but the older boy was sitting still, his hands kept to himself - and chuckling nervously, daring to look up and meet Louis' worried gaze.

"Uh," He managed to utter out, his throat dry.

Wordlessly, Louis grasped his shaking fingers around the glass filled with still water, passing it over to the curly boy, who glanced at him questioningly before accepting the drink silently, pressing the glass against his lips, taking a small sip of the cold water that successfully cleared his throat. He placed the glass back on the table with a small clink of the glass against the table, and looked back up to Louis, who's lap he was still sat on, his legs awkwardly swung around his waist, fingers of his left hand still gripping his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I really am; I don't want to loose you, okay? Promise me, please-"

"Louis," Harry heard himself whispering, and then he felt his other hand place itself on Louis' other shoulder, and then he felt himself lean his head on Louis' chest, the heartbeat fast and loud, making Harry's head spin. He was even more confused when he felt his lips against Louis' collarbone, pressing a small kiss to the exposed skin. "Stop, please stop,"

"Harry-" Louis started, but was cut off when he gasped a little, felt Harry's desperate soft lips trailing small kisses down his neck, and he sighed, leaning back on the stool. He watched with hooded eyes as the younger boy gripped onto the material of his shirt, lips pressed to skin, tears staining his cheeks.

"Please don't apologise - oh, Lou," Harry whimpered so helplessly, and Louis tightened his arms around him. He didn't know how or when his arms found their way around the slim frame of the boy, but it was okay, not like any of them minded. "Thank you - oh, thank you so much. Means so much to me, it does. Please, don't be sorry-"

Saying Louis was confused was an understatement, but he nodded two or three times, his eyes shut, his chin resting on top of Harry's head, curls soft and oh so familiar. "I shouldn't have said it, though,"

"You should have - Louis! I said don't be sorry - oh, oh god," Harry whined a high pitched noise that Louis heard for the first time in his lifetime, and the younger boy clutched at his shirt harder, sniffling ever so quietly. "Thank you so much,"

"What are you thanking for, sweethear- H-Harry?" Louis whispered, biting his tongue at the last second, his voice shaky, still nervous from the prior event, and Harry nuzzled his nose into the sweet-smelling shirt.

"No one ever said that me before. Nobody," Harry barely audiably said, eyes meeting Louis' through the darkness.

It was like someone stabbed Louis in the heart. He felt it drop down to his throat, the air lacking one again as he tried to form words. Nobody ever told Harry that they loved him. How was that even possible? In Louis' mind, Harry was the most amazing person ever - and loving him was something natural, something that seemed to come in a package with pretty green eyes and wonderful chestnut curls. He breathed in deeply, eyes staring back at Harry's, both of them not saying anything. He leaned forward, still wordlessly, thumb gently tracing over the younger's jawline, his eyes softening.

"Oh, Harry," He brought himself to whisper. "It's okay, baby. I- I love you, okay? Remember, please remember and never forget."

Harry nodded, eyes fluttering shut as he leaned in to brush his lips against Louis', not fully pressing them together, as if hesitating. He let out a little sigh, Louis feeling the warm breath against his own. "I would - I would say something more appropiate but I, uh, I've never actually said it to anyone,"

"It's alright," Louis muttered back, and Harry leaned slightly forward, their lips finally meeting in a slow kiss, their faces so close together that Louis could feel the warm tears of the other boy's on his own face. He wasn't surprised. Emotion - as Harry himself said just an hour ago. Too much emotion, sorry, not his fault. And Louis understood. He understood perfectly.

The air wasn't even important to them, the only thing on their minds being the way their lips were pressed together, their minds completely lost of thoughts. The only thing that pulled them apart was the key turning in the lock of the door somewhere quite far away.

"Louis?" A voice sounded from the hallway, as someone made their way freely into the flat, followed by the slam of the front door, and loud footsteps echoing through the flat. "Hey, you two,"

The two boys looked up from where they were sitting together, their limbs entwined, hair messed up and sticking up in all the wrong places, stupid grins on their faces, but it's not like it mattered anyway.

"Hi Niall," Harry said, a small smile curling his lips upwards, as he felt two pairs of blue eyes watching him curiously from two sides, and he actually would have felt quite self-concious if not Louis' thumb stroking over his own hand.

"Harry, man, I missed you," The Irish boy smiled, leaning down to wrap his long arms around the two of his friends, enveloping them in a tight hug. "It was boring without you. Didn't like it,"

"It was only two days," Harry answered, a little confused, and Louis grinned at the two boys wrapped around him.

They moved on to sit on the living room sofa because - let's be honest, these god damn plastic stools are not comfortable at all. They ordered pizza - again - and talked, with Louis resting his hand on Harry's thigh quite subtly, Niall shrugging and pretending not to notice and turning to the tv, pizza in left hand and game controller in the other.

"I love you," Louis whispered into Harry's ear when Niall left, before they went to sleep that night, pressing a soft kiss to the younger boy's forehead receiving a shiver and a smile in response, before shuffling off to his own bedroom and falling asleep at a peaceful state of mind.

For now.

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