SOLITUDE

Chapter Seventeen

"Can I draw you?" Louis said, his voice muffled against the porcelain, so he rectuntantly pulled away from the hot tea mug in his hand, looking up to meet Harry's curious eyes across the table. Harry's eyebrow shot up, and he smiled softly, cheeks flushed pink from the cold, and maybe because of Louis. "I don't like - I'm not an artist, I don't do art. Pretty shit at it when I did it, actually. Just a cool thing to do in a journal once in a while,

"Why now?"

"You look pretty now," Louis nodded a little, trying to back up his argument as if to say I'm serious, really and Harry looked down at the table, cheeks coloured a bright red. He blushed alot, but it's not like he could stop himself from doing so anyway - not with a person like Louis around. Louis grinned, eyeing the blushing beauty, curls covering his eyes and fingers clinging onto the teacup. "You look very pretty and I want to keep the way you look right now forever."

"It's called a camera," Harry replied a little cheekily, and Louis laughed, eyes lighting up and all.

"Why don't you want me to?" Louis smiled after he stopped laughing, and the younger boy reached across the table, unwrapping his hand from the mug and slipping his long fingers between Louis', clutching their hands together.

"I do want you to, you know I'm just kidding," Harry said softly, lifting their entertwined hands off the table and pressing a delicate kiss to Louis' fingers, his eyes fluttering shut at the close contact. His lips trailed down, soft kisses trailing down Louis' palm, and the older boy laughed a little. "Come on, then,"

They stood up from the table, knees a bit shaky and hands still joined, as they made their way towards Louis' bedroom. It was more like their joined bedroom now, seeing as Harry spent most of the time on the window seat, gazing out into the forest, his head resting on Louis' chest, the older boy's arms wrapped protectively around the younger protectively, fingers tangling in his own t-shirts that Harry wore. At night, he wouldn't sleep, instead sneaking out to watch Harry sleep on the sofa (no, he's not weird, it's just what he does).

When they made it into the room, Louis gripped onto Harry's hips as he kissed him hard, the fingers of his other hand threading through his hair as he pushed it back, off his face. He gently trailed his tongue over Harry's lips, but before deepening the kiss he pulled back, grinning in satisfaction at the flushed look on the young boy's face. He used the moment to push him down onto the bed, the boy looking up at him in surprise.

"Alright?"

Harry nodded, eyes wide and quite amazed actually - because this doesn't happen very often. The fact that he could feel an actual bed under his body for the first time in forever also felt great, and Louis settling in opposite him with his black book only made it better.

He watched as Louis sketched something, hand moving hesitantly and Harry perhaps licked his lips once or twice, eyes locked on Louis' face and Louis' hand and simply Louis. He watched as Louis scribbled something and he watched when not even an hour later, Louis pushed his stool back, pushing his fringe out of his eyes and rubbing his hands clean on his shirt, proud eyes scanning over the page.

"Why do you do it?" Harry let himself ask, making the boy glance up at him questioningly. "Journalling. Why? Never seen anyone as into it as you are,"

"Eh," Louis shrugged, once again staring down at the page. "I dunno. Seems like a good way to remember things by, you know? Did a couple with you in, actually,"

"Lemme see," Harry murmured, getting up, his back clicking because he was in that position for way too long; and he crawled on the bed, over to Louis, eyes landing on the page.

He breathed in a gasp, and felt it clutch in his throat. It was simply beautiful - absolutely gorgeous, probably the best one Louis has had ever drawn, actually, and Harry's heart fluttered because it was him, exactly where he was sitting a minute ago, but the messy drawing itself was small on the page, other things surrounding it.

"Jesus, Lou," He breathed in, taking it in carefully. He reached out to touch the paper, quickly pulling his hand back, tears gathering in his eyes as he collapsed on top of Louis who accepted the over exaggerated hug with a small huff and a glint of happiness in his blue eyes. "Thank you, thank you,"

"Don't thank me because I'm keeping it," Louis mumbled into his ear, and Harry chuckled against his neck.

"Thank you," Harry muttered, lips finding Louis', pressing together and he sighed, breathing in Louis' scent.

"Love you," Louis said, smiling, and Harry smiled back ever so slightly, wanting so desperately to be able to say it back, to make Louis feel loved too, to make the boy happy - but he was not physically able of doing so, so he just smiled and nodded and pressed his face into the older boy's neck, curls tickling the soft skin.

"I want to say it back, I do," He muttered after a while, sighing. He pulled himself up from the boy, turning to crawl over to the window seat, Louis following him shortly after, the two sitting down, away from each other at a safe distance and wordlessly watching the neighbour's dog chase a pigeon around the forest area, and he sighed.

"Doesn't matter, sweetheart," Louis said, voice quiet, and Harry believed him.

They sat still for another fifty minutes, watching the world outside, before the curly boy turned his head to look at Louis over his shoulder, their eyes meeting.

"Louis?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you love me?" Harry asked, his voice small, and Louis smiled. "Why me out of all people? You can find better, someone that loves you back and can say it - no, don't say anything, let me finish," He whined desperately when Louis reached out to stop his blabbing, and the older boy sat back, lips pursed together, eyebrows furrowed in a frown. "Why would you love me out of all people?"

"You wanna know why?" Louis asked in mutter a few minutes after Harry stopped talking, their eyes locked together. Harry nodded once, only a small nod, and Louis breathed in deeply, hitting his hip against Harry's lightly - avoiding the bandaged area, and he pulled the boy closer to himself. "Remember when me and Niall found you in that alley?"

"My worst day, that was," Harry said, looking down, and he swallowed. "Meeting you was the best thing that happened on that day - in my life, actually. Sorry, continue,"

"Why was it your worst day?" Louis ushered, frowning and pressing a light kiss to the boy's soft cheek, and Harry shuddered.

"I woke up feeling low. Worse than usual, that was. Yeah, something was off, and I was kind of thinking about how sad I am to waste away my life against a nasty brick wall. But I didn't have much choice, anyway," Harry breathed in, looking at Louis who smiled a watery smile, encouraging the boy to go on. "My only mate left the day before, trailed right off. He didn't even talk to me, just sat there. Helped each other, but it was pointless. A car hit me after I flipped through the god damn bins behind some Chinese restaurant - not hard, or anything, I survived, obviously. But remember - m-my ribs hurt? Yeah, it kind of-"

"Oh, babe," Louis swallowed, eyes full of tears as he gathered up the boy in his arms, squeezing him tight. "You're okay, I'm so glad nothing happened to you."

Harry hummed a little, eyes fluttering shut as he leaned against Louis. "Now tell me,"

He felt Louis take in a deep breath, his chest moving up and down under his head of curls. "After we found you for the first time and you two foolishly convinced me to leave you out there, I never felt worse in my life. For the whole week I kept blaming myself and then I snapped and made Niall take me back to the alley, and when I saw that you were still there, I think that was the best moment of my life."

Harry let his finger aimlessly trace pointless patterns on Louis' shirt, listening to every word said.

"And it was just - I don't know, Harry. Something about you, something that simply told me not to leave you and take you with me and give you a home and give you hugs and kisses and I just love you so much, you know? You've made it so far all on your own, and I'm so proud of you," He breathed out shakily, tears spilling over his eyes, and he laughed a little when Harry pulled him closer, fingers threading through his soft hair.

"Louis,"

Louis lifted his head up, looking up at the younger boy through his thick eyelashes and he saw tears and dimples and green eyes. And the pink lips parted, uttering the words he longed to hear for the longest time.

"Louis, I love you."

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