Isu Sugu Pavithra.
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Thursday Sermonette: Time for Indians to Let Go of Ego
The sad story of Sugu Pavithra once again, exposes the root problem of the Indian community - Ego.
If there’s a silver lining in this whole nasty business, it’s that Pavithra managed to bring it out in the open, unlike thousands of other women who choose to suffer in silence. Of course she asked for privacy but sorry, we care. We want you to be safe and free from that same cycle of violence and intimidation prevalent in so many Indian families today. (sorry but that’s the truth).
I can promise you this wasn’t her first time. Because most victims don’t get hit overnight. Abuse is a slow and gradual process. You need to be ‘conditioned’ into it. Starts with abusive words, then gradually degenerates into physical violence. And since all abusers are just effing cowards, they pretend to be nice outside and keep reminding the victim they will change and all that.
If you ask me, the problem started when Pavithra became ‘more famous’ than Sugu. Indians always had this problem. Centuries of deeply-embedded patriarchal bullshit created the whole power imbalance between males and females in society. E.g. the wife cannot be ‘more educated’ than the husband, ‘more famous’ than the husband, ‘more respected’ than the husband, drawing a higher salary than the husband etc. She must be ‘lower’ and be seen to be ‘lower’ than the husband.
That’s why I smelt disaster after that modelling thingy and the whole Malaysia went goo goo gaa gaa. Because in many traditional Indian families, it’s a cardinal sin to exclude the husband. A slightly-smarter photographer would have featured both husband and wife – in a saree and kurta/matching jippa/veshti of course. Even the PM was wise enough to address the husband first when giving gifts or welcoming them in Putrajaya. Unfortunately, we can’t expect other well-meaning people to be equally wise in these things.
It was a time-bomb, and eventually went off, exploding into a nasty, violent end with cops, handcuffs and that purple ‘tahanan reman’ outfit. Perfect Tamil movie scene.
Violence is not the root problem among Indians – that’s just their preferred method of disagreement. It’s not alcohol either – that’s just the catalyst to violence.
It’s Ego.
Ego is why Indian families spend decades not talking to each other. Ego is why women are always expected to stay silent and put up with abuse and mistreatment. You’ll be surprised how many moms-in-law actually advise their daughters-in-law to keep silent to “save the family name”.
Tell you a funny story about the Indian ego. In 2014, I found out I had six older siblings from my late father’s first marriage. An older sister, Mala discovered me on Facebook and very quickly, got everyone together. Our oldest sister, Saraswathy had just passed and Mala called me to inform of her death.
Despite the terrible news, I naturally got excited about my undiscovered siblings, especially to discover that four were still in Malaysia. I was already imagining this giant family reunion dinner taking place somewhere in Langkawi. I thought we were all going to live happily ever after. Honest.
Guess what? Barely a month later, the family was at odds. Suddenly they cut ties with me just because I published my late father’s 35th year obituary full page in a national newspaper (it was bloody expensive by the way). Their reasoning? That I had ‘dishonoured’ the family name by publicly naming myself as his son – since my late mom was the second wife, therefore I’m the ‘lower son’ and all that.🤦🏽♂️
Now here’s the funnier part. That second marriage happened in 1968. I was born in 1971. (Which means they’re blaming me for an event that happened three years BEFORE I was even born.)
Yep. Go figure.🙄
So poof! Just like that, another Indian family chooses to give into their fragile egos, and go down that same ugly path that destroyed so many other families in Malaysia.
My message to Malaysian Indians, is pretty simple. Whichever side of the caste or wealth or education periphery you come from, there is no such thing as ‘losing face’, ‘being dishonoured’, ‘brought shame’ and so on apart from what your egos dictate. By being ruled by ego, you have nothing to gain, and everything to lose.
So choose wisely. May Pavithra emerge stronger and wiser after the dust settles. I believe she will.🌷🇲🇾
