Cherry- H.S

Woman.

A/N: Heads Up.... Please be kind to me, and to Cherry in this chapter thank you, that's all I have to say.

THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE!!! IF YOU DID NOT READ THE CHAPTER TITLED "BEIGE." PLEASE GO BACK AND READ IT OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE VERY VERRRRRYYYYY CONFUSED!!!!!!

That is all, also, I'm very emotional. I love you guys more than I can express.

ALSO!! THERE IS NO CORONAVIRUS IN THIS STORY!!! WE'RE JUST GONNA PRETEND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN BC IT DOESN'T FIT MY PLOT LINE(,:

CHERRY'S POV:

It's said and it's done... After we finished up with the LA show we did press.. Well he did press, and I went with, along with the band. After we left, and went straight to London where we all stayed. There we went to the pop up shop, and we went to the next One Night Only show, and both were incredibly fun.. We had Christmas, we went on a trip for New Years.. We did everything that everyone else had wanted to do, and it's been fun like I said... but more than anything it's been draining. It's been hard, and every bit of the emotion I've felt over all of it has been kept in for a single purpose. How the hell am I supposed to look at him when I see how happy, and excited he is and ruin it all with how I'm feeling? Queen of self sacrifice..

I know people look at me, and all they'll think is.. No, take time for yourself! No, do what makes you happy.. Do whatever you want.. People constantly say it, but this is one of those things where it's easier said than done... I've taken a single step in all of the things I've been wanting.. I've stopped registering the songs I've written. I haven't registered a song in over a month... and it makes me nervous. It makes me question if anyone has noticed.. There's still parts of this that need to be done though. I need to talk to him, to tell him everything but that's something else that rips my heart to shreds thinking about it.

It hurts because after LA one night only I was confused.. I was ready to take a step, but my self doubt told me to back off.. Then in London, at one night only there, hearing Cherry again.. Hearing the audience sing it this time it wasn't the same. I know what I wanted then, no confusion, nothing but self awareness... and hurt too. Because it means there's a chance I'll be looking the man I love right in the eyes, and breaking his heart while I tell him what I need... I think of what Gemma has told me.. I think of all the inspiring things, and motivational words Mitch, and Sandy have shared, and I know I need to do it.. I know I can't go through the rest of this year rolling with the crew, following in another person's shadow... That's not me anymore.. It never was to begin with..

"Hey baby... Can I talk to you?" He asks, and I close my notebook as I sit at the piano bench in our living room. I'm not sure why my stomach drops, but it does... He normally just talks if something is on his mind, he never asks.

"Of course you can." I turn to him, and he sits next to me on the bench so I turn back, looking at his profile as he stares down at the keys.

"I'm not... I've never been one to pry.. To ask you anything invasive because.. Well because there's no need to.. You don't keep things from me, and if you do it's only for a short while because you're trying to figure out how to tell me... But.. But I can't just sit here, and pretend that I haven't noticed.. And I want to know.. Cherry why haven't you registered any new songs.." He asks softly, but he doesn't look at me, just at the piano keys, and my heart sinks.

"I.. I.. I don't..." I take a deep breath, and look down to my hands now, shaking my head. "I don't want to... I don't want to sell my songs anymore." I speak right above a whisper, feeling my heart sinking. I feel ashamed of it.. Like I'm giving up, and I feel like he might see it as that too. "I'll never stop writing them though.." I tell him.