near north side//peter hayes

17

I walk into the dining hall. I scan the room until I spot Jude and Ryan. I sit down and look at them with a grin on my face. I feel giddy and excited.

"What are you so happy about?" Ryan asks. Him and Jude are both looking at me like I'm crazy.

"Oh, you know," I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping."

Ryan lets out a laugh. "I know you all too well to know that there has to be a reason for the smile on your face."

"You're sitting over there looking with that look of being lighter than air," Jude adds.

I chuckle. "I don't know..."

Jude laughs. "Are you still giggly from Peter?"

I smile sheepishly. "Maybe."

"Speaking of initiates. I heard today was the first day of fear landscapes," Ryan states.

I nod my head in reply.

"Some of the other members and I have a beat going on whether any of the initiates are going to cry this year," Jude tells me.

I shake my head and laugh. "Let me guess, by other members you mean Zeke and Marlene?"

Jude grins at me. "Remember last year when Dustin started crying."

I cover my mouth as I start laughing hysterically. "He was shaking and muttering about all those bunnies."

Lauren stands with her hands on her hips outside the fear landscape room. "Two years ago," she says, "I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch slowly inward and trap you between them, getting thrown out of Dauntless, uncontrollable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces." Everyone stares blankly at her. "Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your fear landscapes. That is the average number," she says.

"What's the lowest number someone has gotten?" a Dauntless born asks.

"In recent years," says Lauren, "four."

"You will not find out your number today," says Lauren. "The simulation is set to my fear landscape program, so you will experience my fears instead of your own." Better her fears than mine. "For the purposes of this exercise, though, each of you will only face one of my fears, to get a sense for how the simulation works."

Lauren points to the initiates at random and assigns them each a fear. Peter was assigned the fear of kidnapping, the same one as me last year.

I sit through each of the initiates' attempts. Christina is assigned claustrophobia. Will faces spiders. Tris' is uncontrollable bleeding.

I can feel my stomach churn as I have to watch Peter face the fear assigned to him. Faceless men try to grab him, but he puts up a fight.

"Stop," I say.

Peter looks at me bewildered. He didn't cry, which is good. He never stopped fighting.

"You did good, Smart Mouth."

"Thanks," Peter tells me.

I smile. "You're free to, you're done for the day."

I pull my jacket tight around my shoulders. I walk out onto the roof spotting Peter. I smile at the sight of him. He hears my footsteps and turns towards me.

"What do you think you're doing up here, Smart Mouth?" I question. I slowly walk towards Peter.

"I just wanted to get away from everyone. I needed some fresh air," Peter tells me.

I smile. "So let's get out of here."

Peter and I run after the train. Peter draws himself into a train car as it passes and pulls me in after him. I fall against him, my cheek against his chest. His fingers slide down my arms, and he holds me by the elbows as the car bumps along the steel rails. I watch the glass building above the Dauntless compound shrink behind us. He sinks to the floor and pulls me down with him, so he's sitting with his back against the wall and I'm facing him, my legs trailing to the side on the dusty floor. The wind pushes strands of my hair loose and tosses them over my face. He presses his palms to my face, his index fingers sliding behind my ears, and pulls my mouth to his. I hear the screech of the rails as the train slows, which means we must be nearing the middle of the city. The air is cold, but his lips are warm and so are his hands. He tilts his head and kisses the skin just beneath my jaw.

The train car wobbles, throwing off my balance, and I put my hand down to steady myself. A split second later I realize that my hand is on his hip. The bone presses into my palm. I shift, swinging a leg over him so I sit on top of him, and with my heartbeat in my throat, I kiss him. He sits up straighter and I feel his hands on my shoulders. His fingers slip down my spine and a shiver follows them down to the small of my back. He unzips my jacket a few inches, and I press my hands to his chest. Cold air slips across my bare skin.

He pulls away and looks carefully at my face.

"I hate to say this," I say, "but we have to get up now."

We both stand, and I tug him with me to the open door of the train car. The wind is not as strong now that the train has slowed. It's past midnight, so all the street lights are dark, and the buildings look like mammoths as they rise from the darkness and then sink into it again.

"Do you ever regret your choice?" Peter asks.

"What?" I ask, unsure of what he just said.

"Do you ever regret your choice, choosing Dauntless?" Peter asks again.

I shake my head. "No. I didn't belong in Amity or anywhere else for that matter. I belong here, in Dauntless."

"It's hard to believe you were ever in Amity. Standing in front of me is a strong courageous woman, not some Amity Flower Child," Peter tells me.

I feel myself blush at Peter's compliment, even if he did make fun of my old faction.

"I never really belonged there. Especially now with all these tattoos and piercings, and my purple hair," I say, running my hand over my braid.

"Can I ask you a question?" Peter asks.

"You can ask, but I may not answer," I say.

"When you first transferred here, did you ever miss home?" Peter asks.

I smile slightly. "Yeah. I always think about my younger sister. If she is going to stay in Amity or if she'll transfer?" I laugh. "My brother has a serious girlfriend. I know I won't be able to go to the wedding if he marries her."

"What made you choose Dauntless?" Peter asks.

"Just look at me. Where else would I belong?" I joke. "What made you choose Dauntless?" Eric asks me this time.

"Just look at me. Where else would I belong?" Peter counters.

"It's getting late. We should head back to the compound."