Teaching Noah | √

044

"OKAY, SLOW DOWN... slow down. You're doing amazing. There we go," Noah said from the passenger seat, his eyes on the side mirror as I tried to back out of a parking lot. I'd say I did it successfully, looking at the proud look on his face.

"You did it," he grinned. "How does that feel?"

"Good, I guess," I shrugged, surprising myself at the indifferent tone of my voice.

"What's going on? All these days of practice just for you to feel only good. What's on your mind? The whole thing with Lennon?"

"Like I said, you can handle shutting me out. You will be okay."

It was a few days to Christmas, and it didn't even feel like it because I wasn't on talking terms with Lennon. After what happened few days ago, we hadn't said anything to each other.

No texts, no calls. And that was just weird.

We'd never had a fight like this before. It seemed like it would be the one and only fight that would cause an end to our friendship, considering she was also moving away. I hated to think that she was moving, and the thought of not always having her around, hurt more than it had when I initially thought about it.

"She makes me do stupid things like keep on a phone case with boobs all over them, but I miss her, and I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who has such optimistic vibrance like her, but maybe I should just let it be. She's moving, anyway," I shrugged as if it didn't pain me to say. Like I was ready to throw years of friendship away, when in fact, I could do something about it.

Noah's eyes stayed fixed on me, and I could tell that he knew I was bullshitting.

"You're bullsh—"

"I know." I nodded big. "But what do I do? She's asking me to support her for once. I support her all the time."

"I think she meant the fact that she has to go back to South Africa."

"How do I do that? She's been by my side all these years, how do I just be okay with her leaving? She didn't even talk to me about it, and that hurt."

"Maybe she doesn't want to leave."

"But she said it was her decision."

"What if it isn't? What if she just said it so you think it is?"

It was right after Noah's words that it hit me, and I felt so stupid that I hadn't thought about it before.

Maybe Lennon didn't really want to leave. Maybe just as it was hard for me, it was hard for her, and that was why she couldn't bring it up at all, because then it would be real for her. She knew there wouldn't be enough time for us to spend together before leaving, so it would be easy to just cause a fight and not look back. It explained why she wanted to just enjoy the holidays this year and why I didn't have to beg her so much and was willing to go out to buy chocolate bars for those cookies. Lennon wouldn't ever drive to get just one item left for baking. She always had them completely prior to when she needed them, or she would overlook it and improvise.

"Maybe that was why she brought up that whole thing about me shutting her out? To end this all with a fight so that it's easier for her to just leave?" I looked at Noah instantly.

"You don't think you shut her out?" Noah eyed me as if he knew something I didn't, but I shook my head regardless.

"The other day when she came around and waited by your door trying to get you to talk to her, but you didn't say a word to her. She comes the next day, and the door's open for me. That might have hurt."