figure you out ✓| Bucky Barnes [ENG]

0.06 || the funeral

It's friday. I swallow the frog in my throat and see myself in the mirror. The black dress looks similar to the one I wore when my Dad died. Maybe that is why I bought it. I could never buy such a sad dress for a daily day. I pull the blazer over and look at Michael through the mirror.

"Ready?"

"Not really", mumble.

His lips are a straight line when he nods. I can see how this day is getting on him too.

I pull him over for a hug. "I'm going to need a lot of these today", I say, letting my head rest on his chest, hearing his fast heartbeat. The breath he takes is deep and slow. I'm sure he wanted to say anything but it got stuck in his throat. We separate and he takes my head in his hands. "I love you."

"I love you too." I smile and let a single tear roll down my face. He wipes it off.

When we open the door we almost bump into...Bucky?

"Buck? Do you need something?" Michael wants to know.

Bucky looks completely messed up. How long was he standing here?

"Uhm...No I just...I guess I just..."

His eyes land on me and scan my body. I bite my lip because this warm feeling inside me is completely out of place now. But I catch myself being happy to see Bucky on this hard day.

"I'm really sorry for your loss. Drive safe." He says and leaves. We are unable to say anything.

The graveyard is fuller than expected, but it's foolish to think there is a place in New York that isn't full at any daytime.

The funeral is good. Grandma got the prettiest coffin we could afford and got buried next to her daughter and our father. I cried through the whole funeral and when everyone left, Michael finally broke down, falling on his knees, realizing we are all alone in this world now.

I kneel next to him and hug him, relieved he is letting it all out now.

On the way home we seperate. Michael needed some time for himself and even though I really didn't want to be alone now, I nodded. If this is his way of coping, I'm not going to stop him.

I end up walking through the haven. It's already dark, my feet somehow lead me to the boat and I am surprised when I actually see someone on it. I come closer, thinking it's Sam, but stop, when I see that it's actually Bucky. Again everything in my stomach turns and the butterflies go insane. I enter the boat, and when he hears me, he quickly turns around in attack mode, but relaxes when he realizes it's me. His surprised face scans me. We both don't seem to know what to say, so I just take a seat on a wooden bump, feeling his look on me. His eyes look shiny in the moonlight and I decide that they are the most beautiful thing in this whole haven. He takes a seat next to me on my left. My breath goes faster having him so close to me. Somehow I manage to relax in the silence and, without thinking, I put my head on his right shoulder. I hold my breath on his reaction and exhale when he starts to relax as well. The security I feel around him overwhelms me so much I feel the tears running over my tears and let them. Bucky carefully takes my hand to unite them, waiting for my reaction. My heart goes faster and I look up. How can one be so beautiful? I don't remember ever seeing such a stunning man.

His warm hand carefully wipes off my tears and leaves a burn on my cheek where his hand touched it. In the moonshine I can see his eyes wander back and forth between my eyes and lips. My heart threatens to jump out of my chest any minute but I catch myself coming closer. My eyes shut on their own. I can feel his hot breath on my lips. His hand lands on my cheek. I can almost feel his lips, so close, they touch so lightly and then he pulls off. My eyes fly open, my stomach filled with confusion, disappointment and...fear. Did I do something wrong?

He clears his throat, looking to his feet and letting go of my cheek. I suddenly feel ice cold.

"There is something I should tell you first.", he says something for the first time since I came.

I nod, because the frog in my throat doesn't allow me to speak a word. My chest hurts and I'm afraid there will be bad news.

"Do you know who I am?" His eyes still avoiding me. I'm confused. Who should he be?

"You're Bucky. James Barnes." It is the first time I pronounce his real name. Sam told us his full name a few days ago to tease him. However I have a feeling this is not the point.

"It can't be that bad, Bucky. It's not like you're a murderer or something, right?" I joke around to play down my hurt feeling of rejection but in the exact moment I say 'murderer' he looks me right in the eyes and something inside me breaks.

"Right...?" I can't move. My heart is racing.

"Madison I- '' The ringing of my phone interrupts him. I stand up as if I got stung by a wasp, answering the phone and expecting Michael.

"Hello, is this Maddie?"

That's not Michael. For a moment my whole world falls apart. No, not another call to tell me someone died...

"Yes..." My voice is shaky.

"I'm calling for Michael. He is totally drunk in my bar and can't stand on his own and. He told me to call his sister Maddie. Are you coming over to get him or should I call the police?"

"No!", I say loudly but relieved he is alive, "No police please! I'm on my way. "

I end the call and cover my face in my hands. This day is just so full of disappointments and I just want it to end.

"Is everything alright?" Bucky is standing beside me.

I shake my head, crying again. "Michael is drunk and the bar keeper wants me to get him."

"Do you need a helping hand?" He aks very careful. I scan him. There is no way he is a killer. Not Bucky, the kindest soul on earth. I must have misunderstood something. Maybe he is just a bee killer and feels bad for it. Whatever it is, I can't keep myself away from him. Not when his company is the only one that makes me feel this safe and sound.

"Are you sure? He is very heavy to carry."

"Anything for you" He whispers and makes my heart rhythm go crazy.