Finding Happiness

chapter 70

Riley was starting to regret the whole beach thing. Beaches meant small clothes, clothes that would show her scars. Was she really ready for this? Absolutely not. But on the positive side it needed to be done so she could move on.

She looked through her closet trying to find something to wear, she had lots of clothes and it wasn't like she was limited to choice but she had no idea what to wear.

There was a knock at the door, it was relief really because she felt overwhelmed and she needed a break.
"Come in"

Sebastian walked in and Riley couldn't help roll her eyes, even when going to the beach he had to wear a shirt.
"How's getting ready" he asked.
"Awful, I don't know what to wear"
"Anything, I'd suggest shorts and a tshirt" he replied.
Riley knew that already but she was struggling with the concept of choosing which to wear, she had scars and that made her choice harder.
"Can't you just not pick something and decide for me" Riley asked not wanting to look at anymore clothes.
"No. I'm sorry Riley but this is a decision you have to make yourself.  You need to like what you wear and feel comfortable with YOUR choice" Sebastian said.
"I have scars, I don't think I'll be comfortable in anything" Riley muttered, it was her real problem not the clothes.
Sebastian paused, he didn't know how to solve this, scars were permenant. "Ok go change into something you would like to wear and we can see if we can do anything about them" Sebastian decided.
Riley was hesitant, she didn't want to annoy Sebastian with her small problem.
"Riley i won't think less of you, I love you but if you don't want to I can go tell Lucas and Noah we can do something else" Sebastian said.
"No. I'll go. I just don't want you to hate me and be disgusted with me"

Sebastian sighed, he hated how she thought that but he understood. He had thought the same long ago.
"Riley I'm going to show you something" he wanted to show Riley to let her know it was okay.
"Okay" Riley whispered.

Sebastian was hesitant and began taking his shirt off, for a minute Riley froze, she didn't understand what Sebastian was doing, why was he taking his shirt off? Why isnt hd stopping?
Sebastian saw her fear but he didn't put the shirt on, he held it one hand and looked straight at Riley who looked terrified.
"Come closer" he said quietly. He didn't want to scare her.
Riley reluctantly did as he said not wanting to annoy him.
"Look here" Sebastian said and pointed to an area near his ribs. Riley saw his tattoo and was confused as to why he was showing her his tattoos.
"Look closely" he said sensing her confusion.
She did as he said and that's when she noticed a faided scar, if you weren't looking closely it wouldn't be visable. She couldn't see it fully only a small bit of it but looking at the size of the tattoo she knew it had to be larger.

"I know what you are going through Riley and I'm so proud of you for making this step. I won't leave your side today if you don't want me too"

"Promise you won't leave me"

"I promise, and if at any point you don't want to be there we will go home"

"Ok, I'll go change, can you...er can you maybe if it's okay well nevermind you don't have to" Riley rambled.

"No Riley I'll do it, just tell me what it is"

Riley felt like a baby but she needed Sebastian, he had a way of comforting and reassuring her when she needed it the most. She figured it was because they had something in common and she knew they could relate, he didn't pity her, he related to her.

"Can you maybe wait here whilst I change" Riley asked and Sebastian nodded "of course" Sebastian anwsered as he put his shirt back on. Riley smiled grateful for Sebastian.

She went back into her walk in closet, she felt reassured after her conversation with Sebastian and began choosing what to wear. On the other side of the door, Sebastian was feeling a little overwhelmed himself, he had never shown scars to anyone, he also felt guilty that it was Riley, she was worse than him and he didn't want it to be about him. He didn't matter but Riley did. He knew though that Riley would take it as pity so he showed her, he wanted to let her know he knew what she was going through.
His brothers had never seen because he hadn't taken his top off in front of them until he was  an adult,until he started getting tattoos to cover them and on the rare occasions they suspected he claimed it was a bullet scar and they believed him. After all it was an occupational hazard.

Riley opened the door and came back out wearing shorts and a top, her swimming costume on underneath, she felt a little nervous but it was just Sebastian so it was okay. Her nerves dissapeared though when she saw Sebastian. She recognised that look and she didn't like it.
She felt guilty now for not considering Sebastian, it was taking her alot emotionally to do this but Sebastian was the older brother, he was taught not to show emotion and she realised this must be just as difficult if not more to show her that scar.

She didn't say anything though, she just walked up to him and hugged him.

Sebastian didn't know how to feel, usually he enjoyed her hugs but he didn't deserve it, he was a monster he deserved each and every scar he had. He had killed people, to save his brothers but that was no excuse, he was a murderer.  The only comfort he had was that these people were bad, they were criminals too. His brothers were still alive but each time he killed someone he felt a piece of him die.

"Let's get going"

He couldn't allow those thoughts, he had to be strong, he had to show his family that they could count on him. He couldn't show them his feelings especially not today.
Today was family bonding and he wasn't going to ruin it with his stupid problems, at least that's what he considered them. Stupid and irrelevant.

He was wrong though, he just couldn't see it.

"Are you sure because we don't have to" Riley asked concerned.
"Im sure Riley, it will be fun"
His words weren't to convince Riley though, he was trying to convince himself.

He would be fine. He had too. This weekend could finally fix their family once and for all and he wasn't going to let his emotions ruin that. It happened years ago, it didn't matter now, his family mattered and he would make sure they all bonded like a real family.