Piece by Piece

44. The Choice

Millie hated how she failed to control herself around Davyn. Sure, she'd missed him so much, and kissing him made her feel less empty and cold. For one glorious moment, it felt as if nothing had happened, as if they could still be....just them. But when he had left, he'd given her food for thought.

She still couldn't chew it. As much as she tormented herself over it, she had no idea what to do. Her mind and her heart were tugging in two separate directions, thinning her out. Which led to the second disastrous decision. Accepting Freider's dinner invitation.

While she got ready, it didn't compute. It didn't for the cab ride there either. Once she entered the restaurant and he stood to greet her, his brown eyes widened in surprise, she realized that she'd messed up. She was wearing a dress and makeup and heels. She'd gotten ready as if she were going out on a date.

The guilt plunged into her stomach instantly, but it wasn't like she could turn around and blot. Especially since Freider replaced the initial surprise with a warm smile.

With an inner groan, she made her way over. He didn't lean over to kiss her on the cheek or anything, and it gave her hope that she hadn't messed up. As she took her seat, she realized that, even if it were a date or could be perceived as one from the outside, she and Davyn were no longer together. She was single and doing nothing wrong. Except every part of her still squirmed.

"You look so different," Freider said.

The fact that he didn't outright compliment her had Millie relaxing. "Yes, I know. Most people are used to seeing me covered in paint."

"A worthy sacrifice for your art," he said, nodding sagely.

This drew a smile out of her. "True."

They spent the next few minutes looking over the menu and discussing dishes, which took the edge off and helped her relax. The place was fairly fancy, so when Freider mentioned dinner was on him, she accepted it without question. Not like she could afford anything off the menu.

"How are you doing?" he asked once they placed their order.

Her mood instantly plummeted. From his tone, she understood only too well what he meant, and she was once again reminded of Davyn and how weak she'd been.

"Not great," she finally said. "But I'm doing my best, you know?" No, she wasn't. She was doing horribly.

"It's never easy doing the right thing," he said, his tone low.

"I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing." The words were out before she could help them, and she sounded so desperate, she cringed.

Freider faltered for a moment, and she guessed it was strange for him to see her like this.

"Whatever it is that you feel is too much," he finally said, choosing his words carefully. "Can you picture yourself accepting it?"

She tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, can you picture your future, what your life would be like if you made the opposite choice?"

Could she picture her future with Davyn? Yes, of course, it was what she most wanted. But could she imagine what it would be like if he stayed Snitch Gravel? The thought made her shudder.

"No," she whispered.

She couldn't bear it. Because even if she could somehow come to terms with the fact that he was dealing drugs and hurting people, she couldn't live with the constant fear that he'd be discovered, and then either arrested or killed.

"Then, it means that you made the right choice. Even if it will take some time for you to accept your life the way it is now."

Hollow and painful. But Freider was right. And his words gave her the strength she needed not to back down. She couldn't live with Snitch Gravel, so Davyn would have to choose between her and his "job".