Chapter 22

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Fern immediately climbed out of bed

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Fern immediately climbed out of bed. She walked straight to the drinks cabinet. Aegon watched her every step of the way, moving to the edge of the bed to follow her. He looked a little concerned that he'd upset her again.
Fern poured herself a glass of wine.
He wanted to have children with her.
A thousand thoughts crossed her mind. A thousand memories.
The first time she'd lost his child in the toilet back home.
The time, months later, that she'd started to grow sick. And how it had once again ended in blood.
Twenty six miscarriages over the last ten years.
Some lasted longer than others.
At some points, she thought maybe she'd have to tell him that she was pregnant.
But every time, the baby had gone.
And that's when Cedra had taken her to see someone. Someone with knowledge on the matter.
“I didn't mean... You don't have to say yes, I know... If you don't want to–”
“I do want to.” She interrupted, taking a long swig of wine. She closed her eyes, looking down at the floor. She took a deep breath then another. Then she looked back at Aegon with a look of complete pain. “But I... I can't.”
“What do you mean?” He asked, shifting slightly.
The way he watched her...
“I mean I cannot have children.” She said, her heart beginning to ache as more tears and blood and painful memories came flooding back.
“Cannot... You mean...”
“Yes. I do mean. I...” Tears began to well up in her eyes as she looked at him. She took another swig of wine. “I... Aegon I wish I could... But...”
In an instant he was standing, walking across the room. He engulfed her into a hug, her head buried in his chest as his arms wrapped around her.
And for the first time since she'd first heard the news, she was able to be upset. She was able to cry.
It was stupid really.
As a whore, being pregnant was the last thing she wanted. It went against everything she needed, everything she planned.
And yet, when she'd first heard those uttered words... That she could never, even if she wanted to, have children...
“I love you Fern.” He whispered, stroking her hair.
She nodded, sniffling. “I love you too.”
“This doesn't change anything. You know that.”
“Not for you.” She answered, pulling away gently. She wiped her eyes, staring up at him. Her lip trembled. “You have three beautiful children already. Two sons who think you're the finest man in the realm. A daughter who you can dote on. But me...” She smiled but there was no joy in it. “I will never be a mother or a wife, Aegon. I will never be anything other than what I am now. A whore. A concubine. Whatever fancy word your lords insult me with.”
“Why does it matter?” He asked, taking her hands and pulling her closer. “You will be remembered, Fern Waters, as the woman I love. I'm sure Helaena would be happy to let you spend time with the children, hm? You can be just as a mother to them. Just as a wife to me. I do not care. I do not care if you cannot have children. I want you, Fern. I just want you.”
She smiled and gulped.
Gently, she stepped closer.
Her hand rested on his cheek. She could feel her heart in her chest, thrumming against her ribs. “In your heart,” she whispered, face inches from his, “you're not the man you pretend to be.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that you've always been kind to me, Aegon. Life has tried to make you cold but that is not who you are. Not really.” She leaned in, kissing him gently. Lovingly. “You're still the sweet boy I fell in love with all those years ago, aren't you?”
“Only when I'm with you.”
Her smile grew and she rested her head against his. Aegon's arms wrapped around her slowly, holding her close to him.
“You're an old romantic, do you know that?”
“Shut up.” He grumbled, but she saw the way the corners of his lips tugged upwards.
She bit her lip.
That feeling was there again. Like when she'd been a silly little girl and he'd come to visit her. The flutters in her stomach, the weakness in her knees. The way she just wanted to stay with him forever and ever and never leave.
She kissed his jaw and chin and down his neck.
Aegon pulled her closer. “Fern Waters, are you trying to seduce me?”
She giggled, looking up at him. “No one has to try to seduce you, Aegon. You're always ready.”
He laughed, picking her up in his arms. Fern let out a little squeal, her laughter echoing through his chambers as he tossed her onto his bed.
“You shouldn't tease a king like that, you know.” He told her, pulling her to the edge of the bed.
Her laughter continued as she pulled him down on top of her.
“Oh no.” She said, her joy evident in her face as she kissed him deeply. “You shall have to punish me.”
“Is that an invitation?”
“Do you want it to be?”
Aegon grinned, pushing her legs apart. He kissed down her neck and cleavage, making his way down her body. She'd expected him to make his next move by pushing his hips into her. But he didn't.
He knelt down before her, head dipping under her skirt, and kissed up her thighs.
“I love you.” He whispered against her skin before she felt his tongue.
Her back arched, her whole body alight.
The night was a long one.
But for the first time in some months, Fern felt like more than just a whore.
She believed him.
She truly believed that Aegon loved her.

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