the way i loved you

loving her was red

"but moving on from her is impossible when i still see it all in my head, burning red."

°°°

Warning: Faye Malisorn is a Red Flag.

if you are rational enough and has the ability to perceive a person by just observing them, you'll agree to what the majority of people who knew her say. faye malisorn is a walking red flag. a total red flag.

red flag: a total no-no. you shouldn't be lurking around them if you don't want a heartbreak.

let me walk you all through this whole red flag thing. a person is sus if they are good looking, a total heartthrob, has 2 or more ear-piercing, oh, and a navel piercing. if they have minimalist tattoos, if they have highlights in their hair, tall, skinny, a charming attitude, and if she calls you babe.

and why is faye malisorn a red flag? because she has these characteristics and traits. faye is drop-dead gorgeous, has a minimalist tattoos on her forearm, a navel piercing and 4 ear-piercing, 2 each ear.

i am very sure she's a red flag.

i've been a victim.

my name is yoko apasra. i met faye when i was still in senior high. the first time i met faye, i knew i was down so bad. i mean, you can't blame me. wouldn't you simp over a tall, skinny, fragrant woman who happens to be there while you're falling face first into a concrete due to stupidity? i bet you would. it's a cliché but that's where it all started. a cute highschool-er (me ///) falling face first, and a knight-in-shining-armour who's just passing by caught me.

she was 24, i was 18. it all started with me crushing over her, who is 6 years older than me. i chased after her until she gave in and fell for my charm, too, thank you very much.

she seems a red flag, my friends told me. she's 6 years older than you. she's allowed to go anywhere she wants. what if she's seeing someone in some kind of bar that you're not allowed to enter because you're a highschooler?

"nah," i told them, "she won't do that to me,"

i knew she loved me. i felt it. our relationship lasted for 3 long years. i loved her, but even my love for her has its limits, too. faye is... complicated. being with her is like starting a fire, loving its heat, enjoying its beauty, where you'll think you can hold onto that fire and embrace it whole only for you to end up being burned. fires are dangerous, it could suffocate you with its intoxicating smoke. and that's faye. she's wild, crazy, frustrating and intoxicating. our relationship wasn't perfect. we weren't perfect. there's mistakes here and there that got us to the point where we would break it off, but we both couldn't get enough of each other that we'll be back in each others arms in no time.

she's a red flag, i thought to myself. my friends were right. when we're having one of our many "lover's quarrel", faye would never tell me she's sorry. instead, she'd just whisper "you mad, babe?" and kiss me until i gave in and all of those fights will be settled by a faye malisorn-delivered-orgasm.

faye made me feel like i was riding a rollercoaster. she's my first girlfriend, i experienced many of my firsts with her. first kiss, first anniversary, first date, first bouquet of red roses, first serenade, first experience in making love, first rode trip. she taught me so many things, she made me feel all kinds of emotions that a person could only read on books. she made me feel this rollercoaster kind of rush that i couldn't forget.

maybe i'll only feel it with faye.

faye malisorn made me feel like i was a damn queen of her world. and god, i was so in love with that woman. she was my weakness. she was my all. she was like a drug to me, that the more i know and realize that our relationship is getting toxic each day, the more i was being pulled into her. i loved her so much that i learned to tolerate the toxicity of our relationship.

for the nth time, i loved her so much.

but as i was saying, faye malisorn is a red flag.

so, i worked up my courage and decided to woman up. during my highschool graduation, she's a no-show. we were falling apart then, oh fuck it, we were always falling apart. so i decided to stop trying to save our relationship. i am not a fucking superhero. i'll just summarize it with these:

a phone call.

"fuck you," was my greetings, "i've had enough" was my last words to her.

and that's it. our love story was over with just a phone call and those fucking five words. she said nothing. she did nothing. maybe she's just waiting for me to break it off? red flags do that, acting so chivalrous that they won't break up with you because "they don't want to hurt your pride and feelings" shit.

i was just glad it was all over.