I Love You To The Moon And Back

Chapter 46: First Time

Katniss P.O.V.

Peeta places his fingers on the first knot of my shirt. I see that they vibrate. I place my hand on his.
'It's okay, I trust you', I say. He nods and opens the knot.
I breathe out, but my breath vibrates too. Peeta looks me in the eye, checking if I'm okay. I nod at him.
'It's okay', I repeat. He nods. Slowly he opens my shirt. When it's fully opened, he takes it off. He looks at my body and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Please, don't be disappointed...
He's still staring at my body. Like he's taking a picture of me, saving the image like it's a rare opportunity.
'Say something', I mumble. Peeta seems to be pulled back into reality and looks at me.
'You're absolutely beautiful', he says. I feel the heat spreading in my face and I smile. He bends down to kiss me.
I feel his hand caressing my thigh.
I place my hands on his trousers. He suddenly pulls back.
'I don't want you to feel rushed. And I'm not going to force you. Are you sure?' he asks. It's now or never. If I doubt now, I'll lose my bravery.
So I nod. Peeta nods too and I start pulling his pants down. He's only in his boxers now. I breathe out again and place my hands on my own pants. I close my eyes for a moment and try to keep myself calm.
'Are you okay?' I hear Peeta ask. I open my eyes again and look him in the eye. The clear blue color calms me down. I smile and nod. 'Yeah', I mumble.
I pull my pants down and look at Peetas face, waiting for rejection. But he only smiles at me. He seems proud. 'I'm so glad I can call you my girlfriend', he says. I smile in relief and kiss him again. But the most difficult part still has to come...

Peeta and I crowl under the blankets and Peeta lays on top of me. He's kissing my shoulder and neck, all the way up to my mouth. His kisses are so soft, so gentle.
I have to do it now. I pull away a little and reach out to the drawer. I get one of those little packings out, and Peeta looks confused at me. But he doesn't say anything. Wich I'm glad at.
I stare at the packing. Peeta looks at it too, and then looks at me.
'Are you sure? Do you really want this?' he asks. I nod. There has to be a first time for everything, right?
He takes the packing over from me and I pull him closer to me.
'I'm sure. I'm sure about you', I say. Peeta smiles lightly.
Okay... I'll be fine. It's gonna be okay...

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I'm laying against Peeta, with my back on his chest and my sleeping clothes on. I'll spare you the details, but I can tell you this: it hurts. It hurts like hell. But it wasn't Peetas fault. It always hurts the first time for a girl. Peeta kept begging me to tell him if he was hurting me, but I didn't.
And I also felt something satisfying. It was nice, that feeling. I'm just happy that I got it over with. And I'm happy I lost my virginity to Peeta, and not to some creep, or Mathew.
I breathe out. I turn around to face my sleeping Peeta. He looks so cute. So peaceful. I feel his strong arm around my waist and everytime I try to pull away from him, his adhesion tightens. Even in his sleep he's trying to protect me. That's so sweet.

I stroke back a few hairs out of his face, and I feel my eyes getting heavier. I let the sleep catch me, while I pull myself as close as I can get to him.

Peeta P.O.V.

I wake up because the sunlight is shining in my eyes. I look around and see that Katniss is still sleeping. I smile.

Last night was without any doubt one of the best nights of my existence. Not just because Katniss and I had sex, no, it was more than that. I really love her. I just hope I didn't hurt her. I would never forgive myself that.
I think I'm gonna make breakfast for her. I do that every day, but I'm gonna make something else than cereals. Pancakes or something.
I sneak out if bed, trying not to wake Katniss.
I tiptoe down the stairs and start cooking.

When I'm done, I place everything on a wooden plate and go upstairs again. I come into the bedroom and place the plate on my nightstand. I crowl next to Katniss and shake her back and forth a little.
'Katniss, Katnisss, wake up', I whisper. But she doesn't react. Maybe an other way. I lean in and place my lips softly on her neck, her cheek and all the way down her arm.
'Katniss, baby, wake up', I say while I keep kissing.
She slowly starts to stirr. She opens her eyes and shows me the beautiful grey colour.
'Hi', I say. She smiles at me. 'Good morning', she says. I stand up and hand her the plate.
'I made you breakfast', I say. She looks at the plate and then looks back to me.
'You didn't have to do that', she says. I shrug. She pats the place besides her and I sit down. She starts eating and I smile at her.

After a while, she looks at me and I feel caught for staring at her.
'Don't you have to eat?' she asks. I shrug again. 'Nah, I'm good', I say. She gives me the pancake.
'Here, eat', she says. I smile. She's so stubborn. I take the pancake from her and eat it.

After breakfast, we take a shower and then I go to the bakery. I have kept Katniss away from there since my mother slapped her. I still haven't forgot that. I was glad that the bruise on her face fade away quite soon, but she did feel it for a while.
I hate my mother now even more. She doesn't even feel sorry for it.

I enter the bakery and put on my apron. I start making the dough in the kitchen.
'Peeta!' I hear. I look up and hear footsteps coming closer. It's not my mom. She doesn't call me with my name. The footsteps come closer and soon I see Jake coming into the kitchen.
'Hey little bro', he says. I smile shortly at him. 'Hi', I say. He walks over to the table where I'm working at looks down at the dough I'm kneading.
'How's it going?' he asks. I shrug. 'Good, I think. I'll put it in the oven soon', I say. Jake chuckles.
'No, dumbass. How's it going at the beachhouse? With Katniss?' he asks. I look up at him. 'Good. She misses her family but she's good', I say. I don't want to talk with him about Katniss. Don't get me wrong, I love my brothers, but they can be very annoying sometimes.
'Yeah, but did you guys sleep with eachother already?' he asks. I have to keep my jaw from dropping. Is he kidding me?
'Are you serious?' I ask. Jake nods smirking. 'I see the way you look at her. I know you want to', he says. Did you get the part where I mentioned annoying? I slap him on the arm. 'Jerk', I say. He laughs. 'Come on, little brother. It was just a joke', he says. I roll my eyes.
Why did he have to bring that up, just after we did.. "It"?
I walk over to the oven and put the bread in it.
'Jake, can you take over some of my work?' I ask. He frowns at me.
'Why?' he asks. I turn to him and lean against the fridge. 'Katniss' birthday is coming up and I want to make a birthday cake for her', I say. Jake seems to still doesn't understand it.
'I want to make it special. And that takes time', I say, giving a hint. It looks like ther is a light above Jakes head, starting to burn. 'Oh, I get it', he says. I smile.

'Come on, big brother', I say teasingly. He sighs. 'Okay, fine. I'll do it', he says. My smile gets bigger and I give him an high-five. 'Thanks, man', I say.
I start icing some cupcakes.

At exactly 4 o'clock, my mom comes home. And that's the time I'm leaving. Most of the time, I get to avoid her, but this time the odds aren't in my favor.
'Hey... You', she says contemptuously when I bump into her in the hallway.
'Hi', I say quietly. She looks at me from my head to my toes.
'You've been avoiding me lately, aren't you?' she asks. I look down at the black and white tiling and say nothing. Everything I'm gonna say now, will be wrong.
'Don't think you can escape me. I'll always find you', she says. That's not normal, is it? No!
She steps closer to me. I'm glad we're not in the kitchen, otherwise she could grab a rolling pin or something. Now she doesn't have anything. Just her bare hands. Not that they don't hurt.

'Answer me!' she suddenly yells. I didn't even realize that she was asking something.
'I asked you how that whore's doing', she says. I feel my anger rise when she calls Katniss that. 'For the last time, Katniss is not a whore', I say with my teeth pressed on eachother.
My mother rolls her eyes.
'Whatever. Is she still hurt? Where is she? Is she with you at the beachhouse?' she asks. Why does she care?
'She's better. And yes, she lives with me', I say. My mother walks even more close to me.
And that's it. The slap. Right on the head. I feel my hand against my head, and I feel something dripping from it. My blood, of course.
'You're absolutely useless! All you do is hanging with that whore!' my mom yells and she beats me again. I lay my head back on the ground and close my eyes. That headache is killing me already...

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Mixed feelings over here... What about you?
Love, -xxx-