Johanna Mason

|19| going home

The last few days have drained me of all energy.

After I woke up from when I was knocked out. My prep team styled me for the Victor ceremony. Diamond explained the rules and rituals of the ceremony even though I have watch many before. It is when the victor watches a recap of his/hers games and then answers some questions about it. I'm positive that I'm going to be asked millions of brainless questions about my act. And I'm NOT in any mood to answer questions. I barely even respond to what the stylists say. I just listen.
•
After the stylists are done, I find I have the same makeup job as when I was being interviewed. The same mean, mad look that now seems to be what people think of me. I'm dressed in a strapless red dress. It falls limply to my knees, and has black flames at the bottom. It corresponds to my black makeup. And unnatural red lip stick.

The ceremony was the most boring and worthless thing I have ever been through. Caesar, who was on the stage with me as I sat on a velvet chair, watched the games on the big screen with me. The crowd cheered and shouted when someone got killed. And they each hooped and hollered when I killed someone, or was shown. Most of it was of me though, and the crowed enjoyed it.

When the part came when I was in the tree and the Careers killed Shaylor, Caesar asks me what I felt. I told him that she wouldn't want me to kill myself. She would want me to win.
Then we continue to watch. I don't feel like talking or being here. Just let me go home already.

It showed the part with me lying almost dead as the lava rolls toward me. I have been wondering what actually happened to the lava. Why I didn't die. It turns out that there was in invisible barrier. I can barely see it. There is a little ripple in the part where the lava hit the barrier. And I can see the exact moment where I pass out. The crowd gasps and comments about it to the person next to them. But it shouldn't be anything new. Everyone in Panem watches the Huger Games. These people must be really obsessed.
•
After the recap was over. I get bombarded with questions from the huge Capitol crowd. They are too overly excited and happy to be real people. It makes me sick that they are real people.

Caesar asks me various ones for me to answer and mostly they revolve around strategies, my act, and what I thought about things. I answer with whatever comes to my mind first, and I'm sure that everyone watching thinks that I'm the mean person that I look like. But I don't care.

The president looks satisfied with my answers and even smirks after my rude remarks. But soon he gets up from his own throne, and places a golden crown atop my head. The Capitol erupts in cheers.

President Snow smells like rotting roses and I wince away when he sets the crown on my head. He doesn't have to reach up very far at all because I'm only fourteen. What monster touchers a fourteen year old girl by killing her only family! I hate him.
•
Now I'm in my room. The victor ceremony, over.

I'm not in the small sterol room that I was stuck in for the few days after the games, but an actual bed room. A window looking over Capitol. Drapes that would cost my house. A kingsized bed and a dresser with clothes and towels. There is even an ordering system that allows me to order food and extremities anytime I need.

I lay in the bed.
My prep team stripped me of my dress and makeup a few hours ago, so I'm dressed in a simple, thin shirt, with a pair of soft pants. I've heard some people call them sweat pants before.

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is when I can go home.

My dad is probably dead, but I'm not going to accept that answer until I see it. I still have my sanity because there is a thin, thin thread of hope that the peacekeeper was rescheduled. That my dad is still breathing in district 7. Hacking at a thick oak tree that only a man his size and strength can chop down. But if I find him actually dead, I know I will lose it. I won't be able to regain myself again. After my mom died I had the hardest time becoming the happy, helpful self that I was, but I managed. Then Jen died I lost everything but my sanity and liveliness. Now my dad is the only thing holding me together. He is the only thing keeping me from falling apart. I need him.
•
I wake up. It's maybe 6:00 am. The sunrise outside signals it's not very late. I order some weird oat thingy for breakfast. When it gets delivered, the server sets a tray down with a glass of milk and the food I ordered. It looks soupy with some cinnamon sprinkled on top. I eat it and it's warm and gooey. The oats are soft and delicious though.