Auction

Entry #10

A Mother

Even though I did not give birth to my own boy for my husband I thought myself a good mother. In the years I raised that little boy I had another two girls. Seven girls, still no boys. When the boy was four his father decided on a name for him. Adam. Usually, boys are named once they move into their fathers care not before. This was defiantly not common practice, no mother gets to really know what her sons are named, though I guess his mother will never know either seeing as she has already passed on.

Adam was a sweet boy. I missed him often once he moved to his father's care, I hope he becomes a good husband.

As I would tuck my children in at night, I would tell them about the words I learned growing up, and the pictures I seen in the books my mother was able to show us. When my oldest was nine she asked why they couldn't read a book. I spanked her so hard for her questioning of her father, of a man's rules. All while repeatedly telling her that she must never question anything, especially anything that a man decides or says. Doing so could get her punished, killed or sent to the mines.

I cried myself to sleep that night, the only time I really had tears for my children. If she was to continue asking 'Why?' she would be killed, she would not go on to be the wife and mother that I know she could be.

Thinking of this future for my child, I began to wonder and think of the actual question she posed. Why would she need to be killed for asking 'Why?'? This was the first thought that would question a man, that would go against my husband.

Before long I was turning twenty-eight. By then I had given birth to ten children. Ten female children, I still held out hope for a male child. Two of my children have already went off to Auction. Soon I was on to my eleventh pregnancy.

Ever since that night with my oldest, thoughts continued, it started off occasionally thinking of them. Soon I was mentally asking more and more questions. Looking back, I am surprised I did not start asking questions sooner. As my pregnancy went on, I went further and further away from proper thoughts, I questioned everything. I became colder towards my children to avoid putting thoughts in their heads.

The day I gave birth on my eleventh pregnancy was an amazing day. I gave birth to not just one boy but two! Twin boys. My husband was so excited to have two new sons he didn't touch me or request anything of me for a full year afterwards.

By the time that year came to finish, I had developed my own mind. Which led me to start saying no, starting to refuse small things. The night I refused to have sex with him, because I was not feeling very well, I was beaten. Told that the following day my husband, Daniel, would decide my fate.

Till our next meeting.

~Nancy
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