M.U.S.E. (BOOK 1) (COMPLETE)

M.U.S.E Chapter 23

"Cara," John whispered.

"Mmm," I answered half asleep.

"I have to go," he whispered. "The baby is with Gordon."

"Don't you trust me?" I asked.

"I'll be back in a few days," he said ignoring my question.

So I ignored him in return. I rolled over and pulled the blanket over my head.

"I assume that means I don't get a kiss goodbye. Next time I won't bother waking you, grumpy," he said.

"Huhhhh," I said annoyed.

"I see where Aimee gets it from now," he said as I heard him lifting a bag up.

I couldn't let him leave on bad terms. I popped my head out and sat up. "Wait," I said and pouted my lips at him.

"I don't want to kiss naughty lips," he said and left the room.

What the hell?! I was out of the bed and hurrying after him. As he reached for the door handle I launched at him, knocking him to floor and lay on one him.

"Oww," he said against my kiss.

I pulled back.

"I don't know what hurt more the side on rugby tackle or the head butt kiss," he said. "And you are getting me all dirty," he said.

"The floor is not dirty," I said.

"No I mean, squirty dirty, your boobie juice is wetting my shirt," he said.

"Oh... erm... Sorry," I said as realised that I was wearing nothing but my knickers and yes my breasts were leaking on him... shit!

I got up and hurried back to the bedroom and into the bathroom. The door knocked.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered as I tried to sort myself out.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"No it's ok, I will see you when you get back," I replied. "Have a nice time."

"Have a nice time?" I heard him repeat in disbelief. He sighed. "Ok I will see you in a few days."

"Bye," I replied.

A couple of minutes later I ventured out with a full breast pump. My boobs were no longer hard as rock or leaking.

"Shit," I said as I saw John sat on the bed edge of the bed waiting. "I thought you were going? You scared the life out of me," I said as I tried to compose myself.

He put his hand out and took mine, pulling me towards him and into his kiss. His kiss was so sweet, so loving that it broke my heart and I ruined it by crying.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

I shook my head as I tried to get hold of my emotions.

"You can tell me," he said.

"I'm just being silly," I said brushing it off.

He stared at me, brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and smiled.

I looked down unable to continue to meet his gaze.

He laughed, "That is cute," he teased. "You being all coy."

I giggled embarrassed.

"Give me a kiss quick, I've got to go," he said. "Oh there it is again. What is that look?" he asked.

I shrugged and shook my head dismissing it as nothing.

"It's...," he said thoughtfully as he tried to work out what it was.

"It's nothing. I just thought you would be staying home a bit longer to help us settle... well not settle... oh I don't know what it is. It's like I don't want you to go and I feel like I should come up with some reason to prevent you going just so I can get my own way and keep you here. It's totally irrational," I said. "I guess I just thought you would find it harder to leave a newborn baby, a daughter who was just kidnapped and a wife who isn't sure who or what she is."

"It's not easy but it is necessary," he said.

"You come home, sleep beside me, sneak off and I always wake up alone with no idea where you are, when you are coming back..."

"I think we should slow things down," he said.

"What?" I said.

"I waited here to try to smooth things over with you. Keep you sweet so I can go to work without worrying about being distracted, because that is dangerous in my profession," he said. "So I think we should go back to where we were. At least until things are more stable."

"You mean physically?" I asked as he help me to stand back up and put the physical distance between us.

"Physically and emotionally," he said. "I think the intimacy is too difficult for you to handle rationally at this early stage in your new life and I can't have the pressure on me, from you, to keep you happy. You need to find your own happiness, your own zen. Not replying on me to be around all the time and the minute I leave you get upset and confused."

There was silence.

"Do you understand what I am saying and why?" he asked.

I didn't know what to say so just nodded.

"I have to go, I have a flight to catch," he said indicating the end of the conversation.

I stood there twiddling my fingers to prevent myself from crying.

"Do you want me to send word and let you know when I will be back?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"I won't drag this out any longer, I can see it has upset you. It was not my intention but it is for the best," he said.

I nodded in agreement.

"I'll see you when I get back," he said and habitually leant in to kiss my cheek. I moved away. "I guess I deserved that," he said and left and my world felt empty and cold without him... he was right it was for the best.