Should Have Known (Camren)

Chapter 47

I always used to lie awake at night and think about how quickly life was passing me by. I would look over at Camila sleeping next to me and remember what it was like when her head was on my chest because she craved my warmth and not just because she accidentally cuddled up with me in the midst of her slumber. I would fall asleep with her weight on the other side of the mattress keeping me in place despite the weight on my heart screaming for me to run away. All I could do was remember how things used to be and think about how long it had been since I could say she was mine.

But that all changed in an instant. I didn't have to remember anymore- I could feel again. I could feel her head on my chest and know in my heart that she fell asleep that way because she wanted to. I could close my eyes and let the taste of her lips linger until I slipped away into my dreams. Life was not passing me by as quickly as it did before. Camila was there and she was slowed everything down around me. I had time to take in every detail and remember the smell of her perfume and the taste of her lips and the sight of her smile. She wasn't mine yet, but I had her back in my arms and that was all I needed.

I could finally go on stage every night and hear her voice through the speakers without being reminded of the better days; the better days were back. We laughed and danced and spoke like nothing had ever happened. Still, no one spoke their feelings. I still didn't know how she really felt about me, but I did know that she was giving me the attention I had craved for nearly a year. Everything was okay again.

...

"This is it," Camila sighed. "This is the last show."

We were perched on the rooftop of the venue, overlooking the city of Indianapolis as the light from the sun disappeared below the rooftops and the lights from the skyscrapers took its place. A crisp breeze blew through the air and I wrapped my arms around Camila, pulling her closer to my body and allowing her to rest her head on my shoulder.

"It's crazy," I chuckled. "I can't believe it's over."

"I'm going to miss it," she nodded.

I slid my hand down her arm and locked my fingers with hers, rubbing the top of her hand with the pad of my thumb and kissing the top of her head.

"But hey, think about it this way," I encouraged. "The sooner the tour ends the sooner we get to go back to LA and have some time off. No studio time, no shows, no shoots, no worries. Just us and plenty of time to relax."

"Yeah," she nearly whispered.

"Do you...do you not want to go back to LA?" I worried.

"I'm just worried," she told me.

"About what?"

She sat up and I released my hold on her. She pulled her knees to her chest and stared out over the skyline, a vacant stare in her eyes that scared me beyond repair. If I lost that spark again...

"Have you ever noticed that when we're not in LA we seem to get along better?" she asked. "Any time we're in Miami together we spend every second by each other's sides. The last tour was the same way even though you tried to avoid me. Clearly you failed and we became closer, right?"

"So what are you saying?" I pressed.

"I'm just worried that being on tour is making us happier than we need to be," she admitted. "I'm afraid that we're both on such a trip from this experience that we're letting our judgment get the better of us and once we get back to LA everything's going to turn to shit again."

I leaned back onto the palms of my hands and threw my head back in frustration and exhaustion. One of us was always worrying. If I wasn't worrying that I would never get her back, she was worrying that we would lose each other again. It felt like we never got a break even when things were finally getting back on track, but hearing that pinch of doubt in her words was enough to send me spiraling into action. She needed to be reassured as much as I did that we were headed nowhere but up.