Worlds Beyond Reason

Some Kind of Bittersweet

I sent this short in to be published in a magazine at my university and it was selected. I thought it'd be nice to share it with you. It's not meant to tell a story, but to evoke that kind of bittersweet feeling in your heart. I hope you like this. - Angie

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Summer rain. The warm breeze. Leaves swaying in the trees. Cicadas singing through the night. White clouds drifting through the vast sky.

She let out a tired sigh, sitting down on the soft grass by the river bank, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, the sounds of a soft piano melody in her ears, filling her with a warm but sad nostalgia.

She looked to the sky, painted a beautiful shade of sunset. The sun was casting its orange hue onto the gently flowing river below, glistening beneath its light. She had never felt more at peace, but at the same time, never more overwhelmed.

It was some kind of bitter sweet.

A tear fell onto the ground, her heart overflowing with emotions she couldn't quite describe.

It was the kind of feeling you get at the end of school, when you're saying goodbye for the last time. Happy, but not quite. Sad, but not quite. Nostalgic, perhaps. It was the kind of fuzzy feeling you get at the end of a delightful holiday, when you're leaving the hotel, on the way to the airport, watching the scenes go by for the last time.

Her chin was resting on her knees as she watched the last rays of sunset fade into dusk. The night wind swept past her. She pulled her cardigan tighter around her body, hoping its cloth will shield her from the cool night.

She missed them: the afternoons spent hiding in empty classrooms, laughing over a spilt bottle of water. She missed the jokes in the middle of class, the shared lunches, the walks home.

She missed the days when the weather was cooling and half of them felt chilly and the other half didn't and they had to trade jackets, the days when they'd fight over which clubs to join or whether they should go to a festival or broadway musical.

Yes, they could always meet up when they were back in town for the holidays, or text or call each other, but nothing could live up to the joy she felt when they were all going through the same thing at the same time. Always supporting each other Always having fun together.

Always together.

It just wasn't the same anymore.

When she saw them last, it seemed like everyone had moved on. They were radiant, glowing, as if they were the best they can be.

As if she was the only one stuck in the past.

It was always the six of them. It had always been the six of them since they met in primary school. Everyone and their mothers knew that.

But those innocent high school days were long gone.

Some were now in college, just a year or two away from a 'normal' adult life and others, like her, had already finished. She had spent the last four years locked away in her dorm room. Cold, dark, lonely. She couldn't seem to settle down, and the other five all seemed to be doing so well in their respective colleges that she couldn't bear to tell them about her hardships.

She spent her days alone in the library, filling up her time with studies and movies and sitting alone in an empty coffee shop. It felt like swimming in the ocean on a stormy night.

She remained in the past, in an infinite loop of what ifs and could have beens, reminiscing about those high school days that seemed to go on for an eternity, while the rest of the world left her in the dust.

She was lost, with loneliness paving the way for her.

She closed her eyes, biting her trembling lip, another tear escaping rolling down her cheek, her eyes already red from crying. Another tear rolled down her cheek, another that followed the countless that had streamed down her face before. She bit her trembling lip, hoping it would stop her from crying.

But maybe, she wouldn't have to feel that way again.

As she stood up, her black cardigan fell to her knees, and was picked up by the wind. She took a step backward, away from the river bank.

Away from the life she had been living thus far.

She had found a new resolve. Away from everything that had ever haunted her or weighed her feel down. She was on her way to crafting a life she'd be envious of as a kid.

She climbed the slope and stood on top of the hill, watching the flickering lights illuminate her small town.

A final goodbye.

Tomorrow, she would be flying to a city she had only ever dreamt of staying. To a new place, with new people. With new shops to explore and hidden antiquities to find.

A city where no one knew her face.

A place where she can reinvent herself, and step out of the cage locking her in.

It was a new beginning, as cliché as it sounded. But, she supposed, they're cliché for a reason. People always need new beginnings to push forward on this dark, sometimes lonely path.

People needed new beginnings to find the person they've always wanted to be.

Sometimes, we all need new beginnings to let go of the things that's been tying us down, so we can float off into the ever blue sky and see beyond the clouds.

A smile tugged on her lips as she reached to wipe the wet trail on her face with the back of her hand. She took a deep breath, her heart overflowing with emotions she couldn't quite describe.

It was the kind of feeling you get when you're a little nervous about trying something you've never tried before, but also a little excited because you've always wanted to.

She turned on her heel and walked away, towards the house she grew up in for the last time, so she could get a good night's sleep before a very important day. She had never felt more at peace, but also never more overwhelmed.

It was some kind of bitter sweet.

The best kind.