Rock-a-Billie Blues

Twenty Two

That night was the longest I've endured. Every time my eyes drooped, I'd fall, crashing into my wrought-iron bed.

I ended giving up. Draped in my nightgown, I took one drag after another. Rich nicotine thrummed at my heart strings, matching my nerves. The mosaic-style table filled up with ciggie butts. It was a shame I didn't sit on my front porch more often.

The moon rose while I sat out under the wattle tree with the cicadas keeping my company. My stomach churned. My fingers trembled.

She didn't come to me.

Sirens didn't wail.

One way or the other. I just want to know.

In my own cloud of smoke, I couldn't help but look back at the past six months and scratched my head. If some bastard told me that I was going to shoot myself in the foot like this, I wouldn't have believed them. Despite my brain telling me I should be ashamed of my actions, I just couldn't. I loved my life with Adrianne, and was happy.

But this was different. I never knew my heart could fill like this, feel the way I do about her. But Billie is the love of my life. And although I tried to trick myself into indifference, I knew what I prayed for.

As I struggled to keep my eyes open, a hooded figure stalked toward me. I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn't picturing things in my delirium. "Hello?"

No response. They just continued their steady gait. The black entity walked under the street light, stopping as the light from the streetlight hit them.

It was her red lips that gave her away. Her pearly whites made my heart swell, tear forming in the corner of my eye. "Holy shit," I breathed.

She ran to me, her hoodie flicked back in the wind revealing my goddess. Mascara ran down her soft cheeks as she gasped for breath through her own tears.

We collided. Feverish kisses weren't enough. I picked her up, spinning her around and crushing her to my chest. But she pushed me away, creating an arm's distance between us.

She's come to her senses.

Flames licked my throat, not able to hold back a slight whinny.

You need to let her go.

"What have you decided," my voice faltered, "Billie?"

Her hand rested on my scruffy cheek and I leaned in.

Remember this. It's the last time you'll feel her.

Billie's brow furrowed as her thumb wiped away the tear I'd let slip. "I love you, Jeffrey. We'll figure the rest out."

I belly laughed, tears free falling. "Holy shit, B! I thought you were going to tell me to run or something." I lift her up and twirl her about. Shit, I reckon I could've picked up a car at that point.

"Not with this baby, you're not." She scratched my beard, her delicate hand resting on her little pot belly. "You're stuck with me."

This woman. "I think you've got that the wrong way round, sugar." I kissed her, holding her so close, throwing her backpack off. "I love you," I moan between breaths. "I love you so much."

"I love you, Washington." She ducks to the car and tries to wrench the door open. "Let's go."

Wait a minute.

"Did you tell your father?" I gulped. I don't want her to run.

"Yes." She wiped at her raccoon eyes. "He said that if I go, he doesn't want to see it." She hugged her arms, a small and somber smile playing at the corner of her lips. "He said that he loves me and can't stand in the way. But he couldn't watch another lady run away."