In which Cillian is your teacher meaning relationships are strictly prohibited. It's safe to say, you don't see eye to eye at first but since this is a fanfic we all know where this I going.
This one might be a bit long, but trust me. You'll get what you've been wishing for. ;)
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Now that the week had finally finished, you were free to stay home and wallow in your own thoughts. No hiding, no questions, no Cillian. No kiss. Your mind was free to think without any distractions or work to fill the time. Devoting half your weekend to eating, lounging, not communicating unless completely necessary and unnecessarily slowed songs that could diagnose any teenager with depression.
Jack had noticed your silence, only because you hadn't stormed into his room starting an argument yet. You couldn't hear the light knocks on your door over the music in your headphones. Without an answer, Jack decided to let himself in. At first he thought you were sleeping but then he saw your arm raise to your eyes to rub it slightly. His first thought was that you were crying but he couldn't hear any sniffles or whimpers. Stalking up to the end of your bed, he wiggled your foot slightly to get your attention. You turned your whole body on to your back and stared at him blankly. "You're quiet." His voice was gentle and friendly. He knew something was out of the ordinary so his usual sibling approach had morphed into his rare parent one. Nodding your head briefly in acknowledgement , and keeping your eyes trained on the ceiling ahead of you. "That's not normal." He tried to get a smile from you but he only received a forced and subtle lip quirk which you followed by turning back onto your side away from him. Jack let out a sigh, taking a seat at the end of your bed. "Do you wanna talk about it ?" He saw the little shake of your head to which he nodded in response, to himself mainly. "I know you don't really get involved in that stuff, but is it ... is it boy problems?" Jack felt slightly awkward asking you, he felt a bit out of his league talking about teenage romance, but he wanted to help.
You didn't move your head, you just kept staring out of the window. Your mind was now replaying the kiss over and over and how you had run out on him. Abandoning him. Just like Elliot did, run away. He said he'd been cheated too, leaving him in a more damaged state than you.
Thoughts of Cillian ran through your head, the guilt suddenly hitting you all at once. You left him no explanation, you avoided him, avoided eye contact all week. What was wrong with you. You weren't completely objective of the kiss you shared.( The problem was, you didn't exactly share it, with you not being responsive and all.) You wanted to, you wanted to grab him back when he pulled away. But you panicked.
Jack could sense that you were having an inwards debate and decided to leave you to it, it was your problem to solve after all. He had assumed it was boy issues due to your lack of a reply. But after the first guy, you hadn't attempted any other relationships. He stopped at the doorway, turning around and hesitating on a reply. He opened his mouth, closing it a few times before he worded it right. "Talk... to him. Whatever the issue is. Talk." ~ Cillian, on the other hand, had spent the weekend drinking and smoking. An old habit he'd now picked up again. This and the kiss were completely unrelated, which is what he told himself. But at the end of the day, he knew it wasn't true. He had ignored all calls from Tom and Mary. He'd received a couple of texts from Mary, they were either sexual or pitiful and he wasn't in the mood for either at the moment. He had relapsed into his old self, after Rose, not because of the thought of being fired or getting in trouble. But because he had messed up... again. But this time, it would be a bit harder to fix. If it was possible to fix. ~ When school had started on Monday, your mind was buzzing. It was frantic. You had decided to listen to your brother and maybe talking was the best option. You couldn't avoid him, as best as you tried, he was unavoidable. And, apparently, so was this conversation. Your nerves had only increased when the end of the day came along. Not eating, barely talking, coming up with some sort of a script. You hadn't seen him around today, having no lessons with him either. ~ Cillian was at his desk, when he heard a soft knock. He rubbed his eyes a few times to get rid of the sting of the whiskey from the flask in his desk. It was highly unprofessional but at this stage, it took a lot more than a flask to get him drunk. "Come in!" You heard his voice crack, and how frail it sounded. You felt a lot more sad than nervous when you walked in. But Cillian felt extremely nervous when he saw your blank face walk in. Turning, you locked the door, simply for privacy. The sound filled the classroom. Gulping, he cleared his throat. Sitting up more in his chair. "Y-Y/n. Uhh.. wha-what are you... doing here ?" You stopped half way through the classroom, deciding to turn your attention to the interesting chair to your left. You fiddled with the top of it, jutting your hip out at the same time. "I- i wanted to talk. If that's okay ?" Your voice was a lot softer and more shy than usual, Cillian noticed. "Umm.. yeah. Yeah, how do you wanna -" he stood up, signalling to the chair opposite his desk in question. Following the direction of his hand, you shook your head and tapped on the table in front of you. Cillian tensed at the closeness you intended, he timidly walked over; taking a seat on the edge of the table. You mirrored his movements, taking a seat on the table opposite. looking down, you saw how your knees were almost touching. "What was it- you wanted to talk about?" The pair of you were unable to make eye contact, and it made for an extremely palpable tension in the classroom.
He let out a strained sigh, and decided to address the elephant in the room. "Y/n, look . I'm truthfully, earnestly, ardently sorry. I stepped over the line and it was highly inappropriate and extremely unprofessional." His tone was desperate, his words were rushed and frantic and his face looked torn with pain. Keeping your face calm and neutral, you took a breath in before you replied. "Sir." Your formality stung Cillian, physically wincing. "Please.. you don't still have to call me that." You closed your eyes, sighing quietly. "Cillian ...you really don't need to apologise-" "But I do, I'm-" placing a hand on his knee, he closed his mouth turning his attention down to your hand. You continued to look at his face, noticing the bags and his paleness. "Listen to me." His sad blue eyed flicked up to meet yours, he remained nervous but you grew more confident in your control. "You don't need to apologise. Because... you don't need to be sorry. I do." Cillian's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He still looked at you softly, as if you had forgiven him for murder. You assumed the blame. When he was at fault. "I ran away, I ran away without talking to you about it. It was wrong of me to leave you to your thoughts like that, I should have at least shared mine." He didn't know how to respond to this, letting you have the stage for the time being he remained silent. "I left because...well, not because I didn't want to kiss you... but because I was .. scared to kiss you." Cillian felt his heart drop at your confession, hearing you out completely. Clarifying further, "Not because of you being my teacher and shit, trust me. I've got no issues with that, I'm extremely irresponsible." You rolled your eyes at your own description, he attempted a smirk and a small snort. Returning to your serious tone, you continued. "But after Elliot.. and Rose in your case. I just felt... I don't know. I guess I thought it would end horribly. On account of us both having trust issues, the age gap wouldn't exactly help that. It would be a total nightmare."Cillian nodded, processing all the information. A weight had been lifted from his chest with the fact that prison hadn't been brought up. And also, you had confessed to a mutual attraction. He smiled to himself, and when he looked up to look at you properly he saw how you fiddled with your rings; your hunched shoulders, your lip turning white from where you were biting down. "I understand." "You do ? You do, great." You stood up, a lot more comfortable in your situation. Cillian stood with you, watching on with a smirk. "'Cause look, Don't take this the wrong way. I'd love to kiss you, trust me you're not half bad. But you understand it's just -" "I understand its too much for you to handle." He attempted to tease you, but you didn't realise and only remained silent in mild offence. You chuckled slightly and a bit bitterly. "I could handle it." He nodded as replied sarcastically "Oh yeah?" Scoffing, you replied. "Yeah ! If anything I don't think you'd be able to handle it. I can be quite crazy at times, crazy freaky and a man of your calibre wouldn't be able to handle the fire. In my opinion." You crossed your arms in front of you, in defence as he continued to jest. "Oh is that right, a man of my calibre. And what calibre is that, exactly ?" "It's the criminally gorgeous type, but in reality, no one could handle the fire. It's impossible." You remained sassy to him but he continued to smirk. Criminally gorgeous, ay ? Well I think you're insanely beautiful. Fire or no fire." Gulping visibly, you flailed your mouth open and closed like a goldfish. He noticed, and his attention was only drawn down to your lips. "Thanks." Meekly responding, you smiled slightly when you noticed him getting closer. He came to, hesitantly wrap an arm around your waist while the other gripped your hip. "You're welcome." His voice was low and gruff and right in front of you. Smelling the alcohol on his breath, he brought his lips closer to yours. The two of you shared a look, expressing both of your want. You brought a hand up from between you as you rested it on his cheek. Then it hit you, his lips connected with yours. Reigniting the flame that you had once experienced. The sharp taste of alcohol hit you like a pleasant tingle.He pulled you closer, flush to his chest as all space between you was eliminated. Cillian felt on fire, you were still here, in his arms, in his senses. Filling him up again.
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Pulling away for air, you remained in his hold as you stared into his eyes. "So what do you think, can I handle it ?" You bit your lip, looking at him in a seductive manner. Cillian looked down into your e/c eyes, rubbing his nose with yours fondly. "You just might be." Closing your eyes, you both connected your foreheads. Taking it all in. "I do like you, Cillian." "I like you too." Unable to remain serious, you broke the moment. "You bloody better, I don't just go kissing teachers for a hobby." He looked at you with a smirk, still leaning his head against yours. "Don't ruin this." You smirked lightly as he brought your chin closer for another soft yet passionate kiss.
