Checkmate

Chapter 20

     My heart was heavy as I laid in bed with my face buried into a pillow. I told Marisa to tell everyone I was sick and she took over my duties, understanding that I was heartbroken. After what Flynn said, I didn't want to deal with anyone. All I wanted was to be alone and to finally get over Flynn. After years of pining over him, of wishing he was mine, I finally realized Flynn wasn't the guy for me. Not when he wasn't sure he could ever want me.

     There was a knock on the door and I sat up. My hair was a mess around me and I was wearing a simple nightgown. Sighing, I hoped it was Marisa because I didn't want to face anyone else.

     So going to the door, I took a deep breath in before I opened it. And when Flynn appeared my heart jolted. I froze, unable to believe it.

     "Hey," Flynn said. His eyes were full of pain. "Can I talk to you?"

     My mouth fell open and I froze. I so badly wanted to tell him no, to tell him I was exhausted and done with him and his games, but with the pained look on his face, I hesitated. When it came to Flynn, I was helpless and I hated feeling that way. I hated how love made me so weak.

     "Okay," I said. "Just for a little bit."

     I turned around and Flynn followed me. I then turned to face him, in the centre of my room and our eyes met. He looked hesitant, unsure and I gulped. My heart raced as I wondered what he would say.

     "Helena, look, I'm so sorry about the ball," Flynn said. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I've just been so lost and overwhelmed for so long. And you know my parents. They don't stop planting these wild ideas in my head."

     I glanced around Flynn's face, searching for some sort of hope. Some sort of idea that this was worth fighting for. But for once, I realized it wasn't. For so many reasons, I realized it was time for me to move on.

     "Flynn, I'm tired of you using me," I said. "I've done everything for you. I've put my job on the line, forgave you when you cut me off a year ago, and so much more. And I'm tired. I'm tired of doing this for someone who doesn't care about me." 

     "But, I do care about you," Flynn blurted out. "I really do. I just told my mom I was confused because..."

     Flynn drifted off. He looked torn, broken and I sighed. Shaking my head, my eyes locked on his.

     "Because you're confused and that's fine," I said. "But I'm going to stop toying with my life for you. I'm done with this fake relationship and I just want to go back to the time where I was just your servant. Honestly, I was happier then."

     Flynn winced and I stepped back. A distance was building between us and moment by moment, I was awakening. Slowly, I was finally snapping out of my blinding love for Flynn - my need to do whatever he said whenever he wanted. Finally, I was set free of the trap I'd been in for years.

     "But I don't want to go back," Flynn said. "I want to be with you. I want to be your friend."

     "Then why would you cut me off a year ago?" I said. "You threw me away and you never even explained yourself. So tell me, Flynn. Why would you do that if you cared about me?"

     Flynn's eyes flew wide and I crossed my arms over my chest. For so long I let him off the hook, but I finally needed answers. To see how Flynn really felt, I needed to hear the truth.

     "It's because of my parents," Flynn confessed. "My mom kept telling me that I was getting too close to you. She told me you were my servant and our relationship was inappropriate, and she demanded I stop being friends with you. And she told me that if I didn't stop being friends with you, I'd be shunned, so... I listened to her. Because not only was I scared of being shunned, but I was scared of my feelings."