Checkmate

Chapter 21

     Marisa and I were in the ballroom. She kept glancing at me. Her eyes would linger on me as I swept the floor and I sighed. I hadn't told her what happened, but it was obvious something was wrong.

     "Helena," Marisa said, walking towards me. She held a duster in her hand. "What's wrong?"

     I shook my head. After my conversation wth Flynn the other day, I didn't want to talk about it. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was forget.

     "Nothing," I said. "But, just know that Flynn and I aren't in a fake relationship anymore. We're back to servant and prince."

     "Wait," Marisa said, her eyes flying wide. "Don't tell me Flynn threw you away again. I swear if he did, I-"

     "No, this time I threw him away. Well, I mean I ended things with him."

     Marisa gaped at me. Her jaw was dropped as I lowered my eyes.

     "How come?" Marisa asked.

     "I realized I was helping a man who never cared for me," I said. "Flynn told his mom he wasn't sure of me and I wasn't who he wanted, and in that moment, it hit me. Flynn never really cared for me. He was only using me and I was finally broken free of him."

     Marisa's eyes softened. Sorrow was written all across her expression and I sighed. I hated talking about this. I hated how this conversation made me feel.

     "I'm glad you finally had the guts to realize Flynn isn't good for you," Marisa said. "Because-"

     The door to the ballroom flew open and Marisa and I jumped. Our heads whipped to the door and my eyes widened when I saw Flynn there. Flynn was staring at me. With a pained expression, his eyes were on me and only me, and I yanked my eyes away. Marisa stiffened next to me as footsteps neared us.

     "Helena," Flynn said. "How are you?"

     My eyes were glued to the floor. I was trembling. My grip tightened around the broom and I fought the urge to run.

     "Fine," I said. "Is there anything you need, your highness? I'm busy right now, but I can attend to your needs later."

     Flynn winced. My eyes met his and he stared at me, his expression full of pain.

     "Helena..." Flynn began. He straightened up and then wore a more gentle expression. The pain was still in his eyes, but the rest of him was gentle. "You look beautiful, by the way. Green really is your colour."

     I flushed at Flynn's words and cursed myself. Stepping away, Flynn's face was once again consumed by pain. As I tried to push him away, tried to show him that there was a distance between us he couldn't cross, I stepped back and stared at him.

     "Flynn, don't compliment me," I said. "Don't try to manipulate me to come back to you. I'm done. I'm your servant and I will always be nothing, but your servant."

     Flynn winced and his eyes were wide with horror. My face was expressionless. As I stood there glaring at Flynn, I felt nothing but anger.

     "But Helena, I don't understand," Flynn said. "I do care about you. I was never using you, even though it may seem like that. You were my friend and... and I really care for you."

     Marisa began to walk off and I grew grateful. Because I was about to snap.

     "Look Flynn, for so long I was blinded by you. I put you up on a pedestal and thought you were perfect. But now... Now I realize you're far from perfect and you did a lot of things that hurt me," I said. "I was an idiot for doing everything you told me to do. And now I'm finally choosing myself and you should accept that and leave me alone."

     Flynn deflated. He stared at me, his eyes blasted with emotions, so full of sorrow and regret my eyes struggled to meet his. I hated hurting him. But for him to understand, I had to let me know how I felt.

     "I'm sorry I can't help you anymore," I whispered. "I really hope you aren't forced into a marriage. And I hope you have a good life. But, your life will be one without me and you need to accept that."

     "Helena, I don't care about my fate. I don't want a fake relationship with you," Flynn whispered. "I just want you. And even if you don't want me back, I just want you to not hate me. I can't bear the thought of you hating me."

     I shook my head. No matter what Flynn said, no matter what he would do, I wouldn't take back the way he would toy with me. Flynn would only come to me when he needed me and not when he wanted me, and it was something I finally understood.

     "Flynn, if you really cared for me you would have talked to me before your parents forced you into marrying someone," I said. "You went a year without talking to me. You didn't once try to apologize or rekindle our friendship. You can't tell me you care for me when you were willing to throw me away like that."

     Flynn looked struck and I sighed. It was final. No matter what Flynn would say or do, I finally understood how unhealthy our relationship was. It was an unbalanced dynamic, where Flynn was my puppeteer and I was the puppet who would follow his every whim.

     "I don't know how to make this better," Flynn whispered. "But I want to make it better. Just tell me what to do."

     "Just let me be your pathetic, worthless servant," I said. I was exhausted and I wanted Flynn to leave me alone. "That's what I am and I know you and your parents think that. So just let me be that and move on."

     "You're not pathetic or worthless," Flynn said, horrified. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. When I spoke to my mother at the ball... I was just overwhelmed. I've just been going through a lot and I screwed up. I'm human, Helena. I make mistakes."

     I shook my head again. It was true, humans made mistakes. But when their mistakes were repeated, that was a sign that it was a pattern. And when a pattern is formed, it's best for you to leave that person before their mistake is repeated.

     "I'm sorry, Flynn," I said. "I don't hate you or anything. I just think it's best if we keep our distance from each other. I know I might be hurting you right now, but you'll move on soon. Don't worry."

     I forced a smile and Flynn's eyes searched my face. He seemed torn, conflicted and he then let out a sigh. He ran his fingers through his messy hair and he shook his head before he turned around.

     "I'm really sorry, Helena," Flynn said. "I hope you know that."

     And without waiting for a response, Flynn walked off and unable to help it, I stared after him. My grip on the broom was so tight. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding painfully against my chest. It was so hard to push Flynn away. For years I love him. Even now, I still loved him. But, I was tired of the game. I was tired of being a pawn in his chess game. And finally, I was ready to start a new chapter of my life.

     "I'm proud of you," Marisa said. I whirled to face her, surprised. "I think moving on will be the best thing for both of you."

     "I think so, too," I said. "Flynn hurt me. Not only now, but a year ago, too. And it's time for me to finally forget about him. I need to stop chasing after a man who clearly doesn't care about me."

     Marisa's eyes softened and she nodded. She wore a sad expression and I sighed, knowing how pitiful I was. But, I was proud of myself. After spending so long doing whatever Flynn said, of begging for his love, I was finally choosing myself. And now that I chose myself, I was confident that somehow, things would get better for me.