Solitude

A solitary Walk

I loved my walks with Loki, it was a time where I could self-reflect, motivate myself to write more. The outdoors allowed me to calm myself and keep myself sane. Before Loki, I was completely alone, even though that was my choice and I did enjoy being by myself, it was hard to find the motivation to do anything. Simply because there was no motivation in front of me. My panic attacks and anxiety sky rocketed, it was hard to do anything.

With Loki, he forces me to stand up and leave the house. He calms me and even though he is like me, a loner, together we are exactly that... together.

We're a team, each others companion which helps keep us balanced and stable. I need Loki, a lot more than I thought I did and he brought me back from a place I didn't even realise I descended in to.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a bark, Loki's bark. He stopped for a second and took off, running as fast as his little legs could carry him. Which was pretty fast.

"Loki!"

My feet pounded against the concrete as I followed him. Loki never ran off, he always stayed near so for him to do this, it was strange and completely abnormal. My lungs were collapsing and the burn felt like someone had just poured acid down my wind wipe.

This is why I don't exercise. I'm allergic to it.

"Loki!"

I finally catch up to him, panting, after running the length of the path, from the one lock to the other and there he is... sniffing a Great Danes butt.

What the hell? He's sniffing... another dogs... butt...

"Zeus!" I hear a panicked voice from the other side of the short tunnel, it was deep and rough, not matching how worried he sounded.

The voice emerges; a man attached to the voice. His skin was tinted brown, like cinnamon grounds, and black hair that was short, but thick, thousands of tight twisted curls blending together on his head. His beard connected to it, thick, the same texture as the hair on his head along his jaw and around his mouth.

His eyes locked on to, what I presumed was his dogs form, the very same dog that was sniffing my dogs derriere and vice versa, and he ran over, which looked odd and silly with his extreme height.

"Zeus!" The dogs ignored him. I felt his eyes on me and I avoided them, focusing on the exchange that was happening between our pets. This was odd. "Are they supposed to be doing that?"

For some reason, I don't feel scared or anxious. My heart isn't racing and my palms aren't sweating like they usually do when someone speaks to me. Instead, I'm calm. Maybe it's because Loki is actually interacting with another dog. That means he likes him and he is okay to be around... doesn't it?

Or maybe I'm just so focused and confused by Loki's actions and behaviour that my body can't even comprehend panicking about talking to someone. That makes more sense, let's go with that one

I looked up, having to crane my neck up to look at his face, and I nodded. "It's how dogs say hello."

"Really?" The surprise was evident on his face, and then disgust. "Why can't they just shake paws?"

I ignored him and carried on. "But they also get a lot of vital information from sniffing other dogs butts. They learn what gender they are, how they're feeling, what their diet is, who their owner is. You can't hide things from an anus, a lot of shit comes out of it." I laugh at my own joke. "You get it? Cos shit... comes out... of the anus."

He doesn't laugh, he only stares at me weirdly.

This is the only time I will say this but I spend way too much time alone.

I clear my throat and look down at the dogs. "Is that your dog?"

I'm actually carrying a conversation... Morgan would burst out crying if she found out.

"Yes."

"How do you not know that other dogs sniff other dogs butts? Haven't you seen him do it before?" I ask nosily, staring back up at him again.

His eyebrows furrow slightly. They're thick and black, reminding me of caterpillars above his eyes. "I don't take him out much. I have somebody for that."

"Oh so your girlfriend normally takes him?" I ask, not once feeling bad for asking so many questions.

My father always said that I was rude and didn't know when to shut up. 'Curiosity killed the cat' he always said, 'you're going to get yourself killed too', to which I responded with 'maybe if the cat knew what was going on then he wouldn't have died in the first place' and then he would tell me to shut up and get him a beer, that was if he was in a good mood and sober. If he was not, then it was a completely different story.

I didn't think of myself as rude; I believed myself to be inquisitive and curious in a very shy and introverted way. Curiosity isn't a bad thing. It is how children learn new skills, and how adults become more experienced. We ask questions.

However, this was unusual for me. I didn't normally stand with a complete stranger and have a conversation. Normally, I would panic and start structuring what the conversation would be like in my head until they passed by. I'm not even thinking about what I say, or panicking, for that matter. I don't know this feeling but it's good... I feel okay.

I was okay.

"I don't have a girlfriend. I have a dog walker to walk my dog." He answered, staring at his dog. "Zeus! Come here."

"He's not listening." I said when 'zeus' the dog looked at the man in front of me for a second and then went back to sniffing Loki's butt.

He sighed in frustration. "I can see that."

"A dog walker? Why wouldn't you want to take your dog out? It's so pretty and it's a great form of exercise that doesn't make it seem like you're dying." I smile warmly, looking towards the canal where a duck was diving.

"I have a busy schedule." He said gruffly. "Zeus come here!"

Zeus ignored him again.

"Maybe if you spent more time with him then he would listen to you." I suggested lightly. "Obviously he doesn't see you as a figure of authority."

I smiled as I looked at him, that smiling fading when I saw the glare on his face that was pointed directly towards me. "I don't need a fucking lecture from a random woman. Is that what you do? Just critique people on how they bring up their dogs?"

"No." I shake my head. "I don't normally speak to people."

"Well maybe you should stick to that." He basically growled, grabbing Zeus by the collar and hauling him away with him.

It looked funny. He was bending at the waist, his dark blue suit crumpling slightly, his knees bent and shoulders hunched as he walked away feverishly with a dog that stood to his thighs.

Loki whined, staring up at me with what I could only describe as a pouting face. "Sorry buddy. You made your first and only friend and I ruined it because the owner is a bad parent."

Loki whined again and stared after Zeus with a look of longing and he made a step to follow him but I held my hand up. "Nope, the man with him is a bad parent and I'm not having such a negative influence in your life. It took me three weeks of casual training to get you to follow my every command and I'm not letting a man like that ruin our hard work. So you shall toughen up, hold your head up high and come back in to the life of a recluse with your loner of an owner. Capiche?"

He huffs but walks in the opposite direction to where Zeus and the bad parent went. I nod in satisfaction, following after him.

There was only one thought on my mind as I left, one tiny thing that kept niggling at me while I walked along the pathway of the canal, the still water beside me with the quaking and diving ducks and honking swans that hissed when Loki tried to approach them.

Zeus is a really great name for a Great Dane.