Solitude

A Solitary Love

My bed was the only bed I'd ever felt comfortable in. I never felt comfortable in the bed at my family home, I never felt comfortable if, on the rare occasions, I slept over at Morgan's house. I liked my bed. It was my safety cocoon, wrapping me up in bundles of warmth and comfort while I fell asleep in my own apartment that was also my safety cocoon.

I never thought I'd be able to sleep round someone's house, especially someone who I'd met eleven months ago and especially a man.

I was shocked, scared, anxious and a small part of me at peace as I lay next to Alex in his bed. Like the rest of his house, it was dark; dark curtains; dark wood flooring; dark furniture; dark bedding.

That was when I first walked in here. He had ushered me out of the room with a curse and in to the colourful room we spent Christmas in and thirty minutes later he called me back.

The curtains were now cream, draping to the floor, the bedding was a mushroom colour, a very light brown. He had tried to make the best of a very anxious situation and it warmed my heart.

He didn't want me panicking as I lay down or when I woke up in the morning disoriented from my sleep and panick as I looked around the dark room that reminded me more of a cave than a bedroom.

The light in the room lightened me and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his waist and lean up on his tip toes and kiss him when I saw the small but very impactful changes he had made for me.

A smile played on my lips as we lay in his bed. With Alex, the dark colours didn't seem as threatening and horrifying. They didn't attack me and cause a spike in anxiousness. All I felt was my head pressed against his chest, his long arm securing me against me and his piano long fingers tracing and dancing against my skin lightly, leaving goosebumps and electric shocks in its wake.

"I can't tell you how amazing it feels to have you in my arms, in my bed." He whispered roughly, nuzzling his nose in to my hair and smelling. "You smell so good."

"It's coconut." I giggled, kissing his clothed chest lightly. "I like this though. With you."

He hummed, the noise vibrating from his body. "Oak." I hummed against his chest, dancing my fingers up and down his gray top. "Look at me."

Tilting my head, I strained my neck to meet his eyes. When I did, I chocked on nothing at the look in his eyes. It blew me away, seeing the love and adoration that swirled in his dark brown eyes that held threads of golden caramel.

"I need you to know something." He sat up, taking me with him. The arm that was around me rested its hand on the back of my neck, forcing me to keep eye contact and his other cupped my cheek, soothing my cheek bone with his thumb. I swallowed at the intensity of his eyes. "I have never loved anyone apart from my family. I hate everyone. I didn't want anyone in my life and I never thought I would settle down and fall in love."

In a way Alex and I were very similar. We wanted to be alone, separated from the rest of the world. He hated people and I disliked them. I planned a life where I would grow old with dogs as my only companions and would die with them eating my flesh. He planned a life of working all day everyday and never wanting to find love.

The two loneliest people found each other.

"I had always thought I'd be alone, ever since my mum died. It was what I planned for myself. But when I met you." His dark eyes lightened. I could feel myself being pulled in to them. "Everything changed when I met your annoying, alone and dumb smart self." I wanted to frown at him but I couldn't. I had to giggle at him and his eyes lit up even more at the sound. A smile lifted his lips just as it warmed my heart. "You have changed my life, Oaklee. You have my entire heart in you palm. It's yours. I'm yours. I love you."