Solitude

A Solitary Epilogue

Since last Christmas I had started rethinking my view on holidays. I liked the happiness that came with spending Christmas with Alex's family. I liked his dad and his sister and her family, they were kind like Alex and they didn't judge me for my quietness but now that I remembered and was back with them, I felt even more comfortable with them in Alex's home for one of the last times.

From next year onwards, we would be in our new house. A new life and I couldn't be more excited. He did this, he bought a house for the four of us to start again properly, it showed me how much he regretted what he had done- even though I knew that before.

His family embraced me and told me how happy they were that I was back. Jada confided how much Alex cried every night over the fact that I had amnesia and he blamed himself for it. It pained me to hear that he cried himself to sleep over me but I was glad she told me, it only strengthened my feelings of wanting to stay with him.

Alex continued to apologise over what happened, failing to acknowledge that I wasn't angry. I was hurt, deeply hurt but I understood everything after Morgan explained.

I didn't care if I was considered stupid or naive for taking him back. Alex was the only person I ever formed a deep connection with. Despite my chronic anxiety and his hatred for people, we fell in love and became each others persons. All that to throw it down the drain because of anger?

I may have only known my mum for a short time but I remembered who she was as a person. She would have agreed with me. She would have told me to not let my anger get the best of me, I couldn't drown in my anger like I did with my anxiety. She would have told me that love was the most powerful force on Earth, I never believed that before -mainly due to the fact that I could never see myself falling in love. But now I understood it perfectly.

Love was a force that was greater than anything this universe had to offer. It was powerful and beautiful, literally shaking and disrupting things to its will. It snuck up on Alex and I like a cheetah pouncing on the unsuspecting prey.

Understanding what my mum would have thought, said and wanted, I wasn't going to throw the best thing that's ever happened to me because I couldn't move on. I've had to move on from a lot in my life: my mothers death, my fathers eleven years of abuse, my depression, my loneliness. I'm strong and yes I didn't need any man to make me feel better, I had been happy by myself. I didn't need Alex. I wanted him and that meant something.

Needing someone meant I was dependent on them; I needed them to survive. That wasn't the case. I wanted Alex more than I have ever wanted anything -or anyone- in my life. I wanted to be around him, to see his beautiful smile, to hear his melodious laugh, to see the happiness in his tiger-eyes. I wanted to feel his presence, his essence and his soul because it was the most beautiful thing on this entire world.

I always thought love was overrated, I didn't understand it but with Alex, I understood everything. I was no longer a stranger to love. I understood 'Eros' perfectly now, we were entwined as one. I was deep in its complicated web, tangled up.

I loved Alex with all my heart.

"What are you thinking about, Oaklee?" Sam, Jada's son, asked, his face masked with curiosity while he watched me absentmindedly stroke Loki. "You aren't listening."

I smiled as all eyes settled on me in the colourful room. "I was thinking that I'm very happy."

"You are?" Lucy, Sam's twin, grinned up at me. "Is it because of us?"

I couldn't help but grin back, not feeling one ounce of anxiety. "Very much so." I meet Alex's eyes, my grin simmering to a small smile. "I'm very happy with you."