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11 | Undeniable Attractions

My eyes were heavy as I pulled myself from sleep. Sunlight filtered through the window, and flecks of gold danced in the air as I craned my neck to survey my surroundings.

I didn't have time to question anything however, as I saw Phelan sitting in the occasional chair in the corner of the room.

He was observing me. His brows were furrowed, his chin resting in his interlaced hands as he lent over his knees.

Our eyes locked and I couldn't look away. I couldn't explain why, but I was struck with overwhelming guilt at having abandoned him, what I assumed was the night before.

He looked depleted. A melancholic mood written across his face as his expression, although difficult to decipher appeared to be one of pity and concern.

He broke the silence first.

"I should have expected you would run, Edie." His voice was soft, deliberate and mournful. I had wounded him with my actions and my heart sank by the revelation despite knowing it shouldn't.

I strained to swallow, my nerves getting the better of me. "What happened?" Nothing made sense, it just seemed the pile of impossible continued to grow.

"It is my fault." he rambled as if to himself. He paused before clarifying, "You can't leave Haven or you will get very sick."

His eyes met mine once more as if deciphering my reaction to his assertions.

I gulped. A rollercoaster of emotion that surged into resignation, then frustration and then despondency. "So I'm stuck here, whether I like it or not? Why?!"

I fisted my hair as my hands trembled with frustration. My unease was obvious.

"I didn't want this for you Edie. I let you live your life, to make choices of your own free will. Your free will led you here."

"Yeah. You let me live my life... That implies it was within your control Phelan."

Was my life not my own?

Perhaps I was being melodramatic and unfair. Maybe it was because I knew he was right. It was my free will that led me here. But he also knew I would come looking for answers, and perhaps this was his way of absolving himself of any responsibly but he was clearly upset.

"Well what would you have me do? Don't make me out to be a villain when I didn't plan any of this."

I rolled over, stuffing my arm under the pillow as I stared at the wall.

My voice was soft, almost as if I was talking to myself. "Again with the vagueness..."

I knew it was pointless asking for answers that he wasn't prepared to give. I knew he was holding back something important, but knew him well enough that he wasn't going to share it.

I heard him exhale as he watched from his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"One day soon, you will understand. But I think you've got enough to process before I add any more to the mix."

The lump in my throat made it hard for me to swallow as I digested his words.

I was half sobbing.

Laying there listening to his words, I questioned everything. But one thing I couldn't deny was how undeniably attracted to him I was and I hated myself for it. He had comforted me twice now and that was two times too many. I wasn't about to become involved with another dangerous man. I just couldn't.

For reasons I didn't know I began to cry. I pursed my lips in an effort to hide it as I turned my head away. Trying to keep my breath steady, I closed my eyes as tears flowed on to the pillow.