Secrets Better Kept-A Phan Story

Insomnia

Dan got out of the shower, got dressed, and brushed his teeth. His ankle was better. He looked himself in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were evident. 

He hadn't slept for two days.

Those nights, just as Dan felt tired enough to close his eyes and drift off into slumber, he'd be forced awake by his thoughts.

Phil loves you.

Phil loves you.

Phil loves you.

Wasn't it what Dan wanted to hear for three years? Yes. But it felt wrong. He would toss and turn, trying to exterminate the phrase but to no avail. It would keep repeating.

Phil loves you.

Phil loves you.

Phil loves you.

So then Dan would sit up and turn his lights on. He'd make a vlog to upload to danisnotinteresting and then edit it and put it on YouTube. He'd avoid talking about Phil, but it was difficult. The phans loved them together.

Then Dan would eat when he couldn't sleep at night because he had to. It's not that he'd ever had a problem with eating, it's just that in the last couple of days, he hadn't even thought about it. His thoughts were consumed with Phil and what was happening to his friend.

Friend.

There's that horrid word again. It made Dan's skin crawl.

Dan would think about Phil's son. He had to be around two or three years old. Phil would never meet him. 

Dan wondered if it was for the best.

Then again, he'd been questioning if everything was for the best lately. He wondered if it was for the best that Dan had got out of Phil's bed and hobbled down to his room and locked himself in there after Phil told him.

He's gay. He loves you.

Dan told his thoughts to shut up. 

You turned him gay.

It was an idea that he had been  pushing away since he found out. It was probably true.

Dan came out of his bathroom and sat on his bed. He was too lazy to flat iron his hobbit hair. He felt defeated, exhausted, and broken. And angry. Dan was angry at himself for letting this get to him so much. But how could it not?

Phil looked at the door when it opened. He had woken up early, showered, and now sat on his bed with his laptop. He was getting ready to do a YouNow show. He saw Dan's head peak inside. His hair wasn't flat ironed.

"Can I come in?"

Phil took his laptop off of his lap and set it next to him. "Sure," he replied quietly.

Dan walked in. He was dressed in his red sweatshirt that Phil loved him in and his usual skinny jeans, hanging low so his boxers showed. Phil tried his best not to admire how beautiful Dan looked. Dan didn't like him that way. 

Dan sat next to him. 

"I'm sorry," the younger one whispered. His voice was rough around the edges.

"For what?" Phil asked, looking at him.

"I'm sorry that you have a son with cancer. I'm sorry that you'll never meet him. I'm sorry that I came into your life and made you fall in love with me. I'm sorry that I turned you gay. I-"

"No. It's not your fault."

"What's his name?"

"Michael," Phil whispered. His normally sparkling eyes looked hollow. 

Dan licked his lips. "What would you do differently?"

"I would've never come into your life. It's probably pretty horrible knowing that your best friend is gay, has a son, and is in love with you." Phil laughed bitterly.

Dan smiled halfheartedly, wondering if he should tell Phil. "It's not all that horrible."

"Why not?"

"Because," Dan said, turning to face Phil. He looked into Phil's eyes, taking him in.  He rested a hand on Phil's face and pulled their lips together.  Phil's breath caught in his throat when Dan kissed him. He was in shock. 

It was slow and unsure at first, but the kiss deepened and became more urgent and desperate. Three years of lust rose to the surface and wasn't backing down. Phil laid down and Dan got on top of him, not breaking the kiss. Their chests pressed together. They felt electric. Phil could feel Dan's heart pounding quickly. 

Dan pulled Phil's shirt off. Phil pulled Dan's red hoodie and shirt off, discarding them on the floor. 

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Um. c:  ^_^