IT'S 4 AM BY ME AND I AM WIRED AWAKE LOL SO HERE'S A CHAPTER BC I CANNOT SLEEP AND I JUST HAD TO FINISH IT
TW again I think for drugs
Also I really like this chapter, idk why lol
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Amelia
It's late by the time Harry and I get home, well past midnight. After the concert, all of us had gone out to dinner as per Stevie's suggestion and we wound up staying as late as the restaurant would let us. We ate, had a couple drinks, and conversed about anything and nothing. It was a really great time, especially since I was surrounded with some of my favorite people.
Stevie, I must admit, is an incredible woman and I'm grateful that I had the chance to not only meet her, but to get to know her during dinner.
We talked a lot about her life, which she seemed very willing to open up about to me. She told me about her grandfather who peaked her interest in music seeing as he was a country singer himself. She said he was a kind and interesting man who wanted to take her on tour with him when she was only five years old. Her parents wouldn't let her, which upset her greatly, but she went on to performing herself not too long after.
Stevie also talked to me about body issues and the beauty standard of women nowadays.
"Botox is such a common thing nowadays. It's promoted by magazines and social media to make women more beautiful," she said to me as we were sat in a secluded bubble to ourselves at the restaurant table. "I had it once. It looked like I was in a satanic cult. Destroyed my face for about four months. I'd look in the mirror and think 'oh there's Satan's angry daughter'! Honestly, that's what most people in the industry look like now - Satan's angry daughters."
I laughed at her brashness, appreciating the honest conversation.
"I thought about it once," I admitted to her. "Well, actually more than once. It was before Harry and I went on our break. I was feeling really down about my appearance and thought I should change the way I look. I thought Harry might like me better if I looked different..."
Stevie frowned and waved me off.
"Harry worships the ground you walk on and thinks you're absolutely beautiful. He always has. I remember the day he called me up - must have been in either 2016 or 2017 - and he said 'Stevie, I think I found the one'. Hasn't stopped gushing about you since," Stevie told me, causing me to profusely blush. 2016 or 2017 was pretty earlier into our relationship, too. We only started dating in December of 2016. "Trust me, you don't need to change a thing for that boy. You don't need to change a thing for anyone, you hear me? If botox was something you really wanted to do because it makes you happy, then by all means, go for it. But it's not necessary. We're all born with pretty faces we shouldn't touch. Anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit."
I took to heart everything she told me. I've been working on my body dysmorphia for a little while now, something Maggie told me I had developed because of everything I had heard about myself online. It felt weird to actually put a name to what I was struggling with but I guess it made sense. I was obsessed with my flaws and I constantly thought I wasn't pretty enough, especially for Harry.
Sometimes I can't believe how bad my thought process actually was. It got to the point where I loathed looking at myself in the mirror and I would cry myself to sleep sometimes because I feared Harry leaving me. Some of those fears are still prevalent and haunt my mind, but they don't control me anymore. The break was necessary for Harry and I so I could take time to focus on myself and learn to love who I was again. I wish I hadn't hurt Harry in the process, that I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for, but I'm just grateful it put me on the right track.
