Imagine queen (humour)

No fred! DONT PUT ALL THE GARLIC IN!

*told from my point of view (alice)*
*freddie cooks dinner*

" HERE COMES THE SEASONING DO DO DO DOOOO, HERE COMES THE SEASONING AND I SAY! IT TASTES NICE! Do do do do do" I heard freddie singing some kind of a parody to a Beatles song. I sat down quietly so I didn't disturb his happiness. He swayed his hips femininely at the stove stirring something in a pot. I sat behind him at the table watching him happily wiggle his butt to what ever song he was singing. " where's Brian? He disappeared when you left deary" I heard him say.

" what? Oh you know I'm here?" I asked startled of his knowledge about my presence.

" I know everything darling" he said turning around with a large wooden spoon filled with a mixture I wasn't really sure of " open" he commanded as he shoved the spoon into my mouth smiling, he felt as if I was like his little baby or something. " well?" He asked waiting for me to finish my mouthful

" it's, um," I looked thoughtful for a moment trying to come up with an explanation of the taste. " it's completely taste less freddie" I replied, truthfully, this just made him grin wildly.

" oh good! I'm glad!"

" what?" I'm totally confused now

" oh it's only water in this pot, I haven't started cooking yet" he answered swaying sexily back to his pot to start ACTUALY cooking.

" well why did you give me a spoon of water and ask what it tastes like?" He had now put mince and spices into the water and started cooking soup

" because my sweet, I just felt like feeding you like a baby, your so cute like one just sitting there watching me cook, it's only my fatherly instinct" he said fluttering his eyelashes at me innocently

" of course papa" I agreed with no energy to argue, I continued to watch him amused by his adorable treats, the way he sang and danced and talked to himself happily while cooking. It was like watching a show...dude this shits better than tv!

Freddie started to pour crushed garlic into the stew thingo, " hmmm, I wonder if that's enough?" He asked himself thoughtfully looking into the boiling pot. He shrugged his shoulders lazily and answered his question " argh, oh well, when in doubt add more!" He said happily pouring the whole container in, I cringed at the sight. If Freddie is going to be cooking while I stay here, I may be going out for take away more often.

~~~
After watching freddie for a while, I went back to Brian's room and found a note on the bed:
{ I've gone to get us some McDonald's, what ever you do DO NOT TELL FREDDIE! I'll be back soon Luv x
-bri }
this note confused me a little but I trust he's right.

" DINNER IS READY DARLINGS, COOKED BY YOURS TRULY, YOUR ALL VERY WELCOME!" I heard freddie call out to everyone from the kitchen. Just as I heard him Brian rushed in through the door slamming it behind him with his hands full of drinks and bags.

" woah slow down there curly, what are you running from?" I asked smirking while taking some of the food off him.

" Freddie can't know I'm here, or he'll want me to come and have dinner, don't worry I got us food so we don't die of poisoning from Freddie's cooking!" He said looking relieved, this made me laugh.

" ooooh Kay then, haha, it's not that bad is it? Because I couldn't cook to save myself so I've tasted some seriously bad shit in my life time."

" oh no Alice... This is like Fred's just bitten the toe off satan, spat it out, covered it in garlic, fried it, and said it was chicken."

" fair enough" I shrugged believing Brian. " Thankyou for getting dinner, it's very sweet of you" I said but didn't get an answer back, instead brian suddenly shoved his hand upon my mouth signalling for me to be quite. I pushed his hand away and we stayed quite for a minute, the whole time I stared at him trying to work out why we couldn't make a noise. "Bri?" I asked waving my hand in front of his face, he looked as if in a daze.

" huh? Oh sorry, I just thought I heard someone coming, it's quite out there.. Too quite" he said as we both looked towards the bedroom door. Waiting for a sound to be heard through out the house, but there was none, Brian was right, it was quite, too quite. I was just about to get up and open the door to investigate.

Then Suddenly the door slammed open revealing freddie " I SMELL McDONALDS!" We heard him yell stomping in, hands on hips, bitch face on. " Ex-Ka-use-me!" He sassed puckering his lips and clicking his fingers around like he was on an American reality tv show. Brian and I just sat there staring.

" um " I said in a fail attempt to break the awkward silence and death stare that freddie was giving Brian while making a duck face. " bri didn't know you would be cooking and I asked for mcdonalds Fred, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were cooking for everyone sweet" I lied standing up and hugging him lovingly, freddie fell for it and absolutely melted.

" oh it's ok my little dumpling I'm not angry at you, enjoy your dinner baby cakes, papa Fred Fred will come check on you munchkins later Kay? Don't let Brian annoy you my sweetling " freddie said kissing the top of my head and exciting the room leaving now Brian dumbfounded.

" what the fuck just happened?" He asked confused

" what do you mean?" I acted dumb

" firstly, Thankyou for covering for me, secondly, Freddie NEVER lets anyone call him Fred, yet you just did, and thirdly.... Little dumpling? Baby cakes? Sweetling? PAPA FRED FRED!?" I laughed at Brian's absolute befuddlement. Time for some explaining and a lot of laughter.