someone else | j st. james [on hold]

13 | brittany bitch

Dan's legs were resting on Santana's lap as the two quietly gossiped. It was put to a stop as Mr. Schuester came in and began the lesson.

"All right. Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?" Will asked them loudly.

"He discovered America," Brittany said confidently. A few chairs over, Finn nodded in agreement, thinking that sounded correct.

"Close," Will said, sighing. "He did write an iconic chart-topper Sailing."

"I have a bad feeling about this lesson," Kurt whispered.

"Never heard of him. Don't want to hear about him," Tina muttered flatly, making Dan snicker.

"Now, some people think of the term "easy listening" as a bad thing but I'm gonna let this music speak for itself," Will said. Dan instantly groaned as he started passing out sheet music. "You guys love Lady Gaga and the Rolling Stones and you guys are really good about putting it all out there, but really good music can also be controlled and restrained. It doesn't have to attack an audience. It can let them come to you."

Finn scanned the sheet music and the words, the lyrics not making sense to him. "How can you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're like a hundred miles apart."

"Mr. Schue," Kurt said, raising a hand, "if I may, I think I speak for all of us when I say that it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky-smooth adult contemporary. It's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to. However, there is a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members. The ardent demand? That this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club perform a number by — wait for it — Ms. Britney Spears."

Of course, everyone loved the idea. "Yo, Spears is fierce, yo," Artie said excitedly.

"Finally, I wouldn't be embarrassed to perform with you all," Dan said, grinning.

"Kurt. Kurt. Sorry. No. No. No," Will said, shutting the idea down. "I don't think she's a very good role model."

"And neither am I, but you let me in the club," Dan mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"But, Mr. Schue, we kind of grew up with her," Rachel told him.

"She's literally why I wanted to become a performer," Tina added

"I don't want to do Britney," Brittany said quietly.

Everyone looked at her, surprised by the genuine upset look on her face. "Why no Britney, Brittany?" Kurt asked her.

"Because my name is also Britney Spears."

"What?" Will asked.

"What the hell is she talking about?" Mercedes asked, looking to Santana and Dan for a translation. They, unfortunately, didn't have one this time.