XXIX

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((this chapter is... full of nasty things!!! be warned!!))

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← · · · ✭ 𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐮𝐬 ✭ · · · →

A week had passed since I had gone to see Roger. We haven't spoken since. My brother frequently went to rehearsals with him, but he never came back to ours like he used to. I had kind of hoped that I would run into him so that he needed to speak to me, but it never happened. Now I was just at that awkward stage that I didn't know how to act when someone said his name. I felt like a teenager all over again.

Work had been boring. I tried to keep myself entertained, but it was hard. My supervisor left me with extra work to do, even though I burned through that too. The hours would pass slowly and then it was finally time to leave and go home. There I would eat, read and go to bed. Very boring and repetitive.

Freddie had decided to throw a welcome back party for the band. Brian wasn't too excited, but he would still go because other important people would be there. Freddie had especially planned it so I'd also be able to come – which meant I couldn't pass it up. They had also gotten a new place. A bigger apartment with two stories that wasn't too far from their previous place. I hadn't seen it yet.

I decided that I might as well make the most of it. If I wanted to get Roger back, there really was only one way to do that. Just remind him of the time we spend together and the things we did. I dressed myself in one of the most revealing outfits I could find; my shortest dark blue dress and black leather boots. I had blow-dried my hair and is loosely hung over my shoulders.

Together, Brian and I drove to Freddie and Mary's place. When we got there, I could already see that many people were here. I didn't know who Freddie invited and how he knew these people. One tour and he was already this big of a socialite? Imagine a world tour and fame...

"Lotus!" I heard Delilah yell my name. I turned around and she jumped in my arms. Behind her was Deaky, laughing at our greeting. Her small arms barely fit around my shoulders. When she let go, she smiled at me. "You made it!"

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world," I reassured her. I greeted Deaky with the usual hug and kiss on the cheek. He and my brother walked off together, sitting somewhere and talking about nerdy stuff I presume.

I followed Delilah to the kitchen, where we saw Mary. She waved at us from her cocktail making station. The kitchen was just as crowded as the rest of the house. Everywhere were standing people smoking, drinking and laughing with each other. I didn't recognize any of them.

"Girls, you want a drink?" Freddie asked, throwing his arms around us and popping his head between us from behind.

"Love to," I answered. Delilah also agreed and before we could blink, he shoved a cocktail in our hands. I took a sip. There was a lot of alcohol in this, but I wasn't complaining. I would need it for tonight.

When I stepped into the living room, my eyes immediately met his. He was standing by the fireplace, chatting with some man that I hadn't seen before. He didn't see me yet, and I saw this as my opportunity to look at him carefully.

He was wearing jeans in a dark wash – his usual boots underneath them. The button up shirt he was wearing was almost fully opened, with a necklace to fill in the empty space. On top of all that he wore a blazer with a blueprint on it. I could already see it matched his eyes perfectly. His hair was a mess, but that was usually the case.

Even though we weren't in a good place right now, seeing him looking like this and standing there so casually still did things to me. I felt the same tingling feeling he always gave me. Only now, I had to keep it to myself instead of sharing it with him, like I used to.

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