Ayn's Healing

Chapter 13 - Kari

Pain is a regular occurrence in a shifter's life, regardless of rank. There is always some fight with teeth to be fought that leaves one whimpering for a while, until the wolf proceeds with the healing. But the wolf can efficiently heal only if he retains enough energy for it, bending his neck and submitting at the right time. Storm is chronically unable to figure out the right time and yesterday was no different.

I don't remember how I got into my room, but I woke up sometime in the evening when Timo had the brilliant idea to bring Ayn to see whatever was left of me. And then, instead of walking her out like a normal person, he picked her up in his arms. This triggered Storm to no end, and he used the last bits of strength to lunge unsuccessfully at the Beta's butt. He then fainted inside me, letting me deal with my pain alone as if I would have been a regular human.

By midnight I was begging him to wake up so that I could shift and take my own throat because I couldn't take one more second of that torture.

And then I got mail. A tiny vial wrapped in a note flew through my balcony door and landed on my chest, as a shadow sneaked back into the night.

"Please. Drink this or I will come and make you drink it."

The "please" was scribbled in a corner, as an afterthought. The note smelled like lime tree flowers and the contents of the vial - like unfriendly herbs. They also tasted unfriendly, but the second the last oily drop slid on my tongue, my body became all warm and relaxed and my brain completely shut down for some hours.

Unfortunately, by the time my mother comes to bring me breakfast the effect of the drugs has worn off. The Luna shows the faintest expression of compassion, seeing my clenched fists and sweaty forehead. She helps me to a half-sitting position and sets the tray in my lap.

Her eyes are swollen and I cannot bear the sight of them, nor the knowledge that all the crying she's been doing is, again, my fault.

"You never learn, little wolf." She traces the outline of the deep bite wound on my clavicle with her fingers and I flinch. "I asked Xander to allow Ayn to heal you. Well, I might have requested him to. Do you want me to call her?"

I am touched by my mother's vote of confidence. She seems to believe I have refused Ayn's healing because I didn't have the Alpha's express permission to accept it.

"No."

"Why not?"

Because I need to feel this excruciating pain long enough for my brain to intimately comprehend what the Alpha told me quietly yesterday, as he was meticulously tearing through my flesh and crushing my bones.

I am not ready to challenge him, by insubordination or otherwise. I am weak. I am just an acting Beta and will probably remain one. I am failing my pack. I am not following the Wolves' Way. Instead of stupidly fighting him, I should put my efforts into training and finding a mate.

My mother is not entirely wrong. My learning speed might have progressed under my father's belt when I was wolf-less, but Storm never learned anything from the Alpha's teeth and claws.

If I accept Ayn's touch, we will recover too quickly. We will forget this outstanding lesson in submission Xander imparted on us and we will end up challenging him again, instead of walking the Wolves' Way. Focusing on training. Choosing a mate.

"You have a mate." I couldn't feel Storm for the last hours and so I am relieved to hear his whimper, even if it holds all the contempt in the world.

"I'll be fine. I will make it to dinner next Saturday if this is what you are worried about." I tell my mother, avoiding her question.

"It is not. I can reschedule the dinner, Kari. What I cannot do is see my mate and my son fighting anymore."

I cannot decide what hurts more, my shattered back or the burn of the shame I feel as I am looking into my mother's tear-filled eyes.

"I am sorry, mom. I will get Storm under control, I promise."

The Luna shakes her head. I have committed to this before and I delivered poorly.

However, none of my father's teachings have been as violent as the one my wolf and I have just received, so I am hoping that this time I can keep my word.