DMs // hemmings [editing]

quindici.

[unedited]  

1st September;

// Ashton //

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

What have I done?

Why did I kiss her?

I'm a fucking idiot.

But, the second time, she kissed me back. She straddled me. She ran her fingers through my hair. She moaned when I was kissing her.

That had to mean something, right?

But like she said, it was just so we could get it out of our systems.

Well, hers.

I guess, in some ways, I really liked Jen.

Her laugh, her smile, the way her eyes lit up when she was excited, the way she focused on nothing but the music when she was playing that song on the cajón in my earlier.

But I couldn't just betray Luke like that, I couldn't.

He's one of my best friends, and I love how happy she makes him. I can't take that away from him, it'd crush him.

I needed to do something to take my mind off of it. Thank god it's only Michael and I recording today.

I really want to tell someone, and I know that Michael would probably be the best person to tell, but what if he gets angry and tells Luke?

Oh man, I'm so screwed.

I'm just not going to tell anyone for now. If Jen tells Luke, then I'll go from there, but how likely is it that she will tell him? Like, they haven't known each other for that long.

It's going to be a long few days.

***

Michael and I finish recording and head straight back to the hotel. I had no interest in drinking right now because I know that if I did, I would end up telling somebody what happened, and it'd probably be Luke.

I pull out my phone and text Jen. I had to do something.

Me: Hey :)

Jen: Hi Ash :)

Me: I need to talk to you.

Jen: Um... yeah.

Me: Meet me down in the restaurant? I'll tell Mikey that I'm going there so we'll be alone.

Jen: Okay. How long until you're back?

Me: About 5 minutes, depending on the traffic towards the hotel.

Jen: See you in a few.

Thank god.

***

"Hiya." I awkwardly say, sliding into the chair opposite her. Fuck, she looks beautiful.

"Hi Ash." She sends me a small smile, and I relax a little.

"So about what happened..." I start, and she sighs, interrupting me.

"It never happened, okay? Luke can never know."

"I know, but-"

"But nothing, Ash. I've only known him a few weeks, I can't lose him already, okay? I think..." she drifts off, and seems to forget to finish what she was going to say.

"You think?"

"Oh, yeah. I think... I think I'm falling in love with him, Ash. I can't ruin that. I've never, I've..." she trails off again, and a tear falls down her cheek. Using her jumper's sleeve, she wipes it away.

"Okay, I won't tell him if you don't." I say, not wanting her to be upset any longer.

"Thank you, Ash. It means a lot. Hey, maybe one day we'll look back on it and laugh." She smiles, and I can tell that she's thinking about the future.

"No problem." I smile encouragingly, and hold up my little finger. I'm not really sure why, but I do, and she links her finger with my own. We both grin at each other and she gets up.

"See you up there." She says, and walks away.

"See you there." I mumble under my breath, and go and get some food. This is far from over. For me, anyway.

///

this is short and shit and yeah

i'm sorry