DMs // hemmings [editing]

diciannove.

[unedited]  

9th December;

// Luke //

Numb.

I can't feel anything. I can't talk, I can't eat, I can't sleep. I left the dressing room after Ashton told us his news. I locked myself in my room, not letting anybody in. Not even Jen.

Ashton Fletcher Irwin, one of my best friends, one of the only people who know how depressed I was back in Sydney, is dying.

Due to my quick departure from the building, I didn't know how long he had until he... Yeah.

But something deep inside me was telling me that he wouldn't have long. I knew something was wrong, did he feel like he couldn't tell me? I was so confused, upset, and angry with myself.

Jen. I need Jen.

Luke: Are you busy?

Jen: Luke omg are you ok?

Jen: and no I'm not busy

Luke: no I'm not ok, can you come to my room?

Jen: Yeah sure, just unlock your door, I'm already in your apartment.

I unlocked the door, tears already brimming my eyes. Jen slowly opened the door, peeking her head inside. She smiled at me softly, sympathetically. She saw my expression and rushed inside, closing and locking the door behind her. She sits next to me, placing her hand on top of mine on it's resting place on my thigh.

"Luke, I..." She starts, but I shake my spare hand in the air to stop her. I pull her down beside me as I lay on the bed, the emotions inside my head becoming stronger, almost unbearable. I wrap my arms around her, and she does the same. I bury my face in her shoulder, breathing deeply as the tears start to fall. Once they start, there's no stopping them. I'm sobbing hard, and I know I must be soaking her shirt, but I don't think she minds, judging from the soothing way she's rubbing my back as I cry.

"It'll be okay, baby. I promise." She whispers in an attempt to calm me down.

"How will it be okay? Ashton's dying." I cry out, the sound strangled, hoarse even.

"Luke, please stop baby, I hate seeing you like this." She whispers, holding my face in her hands and pressing her forehead against my own.

"I don't think I can." I whisper back, my sobs calming down slightly after she tells me that it's upsetting her too.

"I know it hurts, but we're all here for you, okay?" She murmurs again, a tear rolling down her cheek aswell. I pull her in close again and hug her tightly, so greatful for her. I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't here.

"Can you, um, can you get Ashton for me?" I ask her, no longer crying. I press a kiss to her cheek, and use one of my hands to wipe away the wetness from my cheeks.

"Of course I can. Now?" She replies, and I nod before getting up quickly and walking to my en-suite, grabbing some tissue to wipe my face and blow my nose with before running the cold tap in the sink and splashing my face, slightly reducing the puffiness. I go back into my room to find that Jen has gone, and Ashton has replaced her, sitting on the side of my bed, like I was when Jennifer came into the room.

He gives me a weak smile, and I sit beside him, awkwardly clasping my hands in my lap.

"How long have you known?" I ask, and Ashton sighs.

"I found out when we were last here in September, that day when you and Jen went on that date, and came back to me... yeah. Then." He tells me.

"Three months? You've known that you're dying for three months and haven't bothered telling us?"

"Haven't bothered? Are you kidding me? Do you know how fucking hard it's been?" He almost yells, but obviously doesn't want to get angry.

"Um... how long until...?" I don't finish the sentence. I don't think I can.

"Three more months."

Tears fill my eyes, and I furiously wipe at them to stop them falling, but that obviously doesn't happen.

"Three months." I whisper astoundingly.

"I'm so sorry man. I wish I'd told you sooner."

"Damn fucking right you should have. How am I meant to live without one of my best friends, Ash?" I say, and my voice is filled with angst.

"Luke, fuck, I don't even know what to say. But you'll be okay, I promise." He tells me, and I put my face in my hands, shaking my head.

"Don't say that. Don't tell me that I'll be okay. You fucking know I won't. Neither will the fans. Holy shit, the fans..." My eyes widen and I sigh heavily.

"I really don't know how to tell them man. They're gonna hate me." He whispers.

I inch closer to him and wrap my arm around his shoulder. He relaxes slightly but his worry is still evident.

"I guess we'll have to do some sort of news conference or something like that. I don't know." I sigh and shake my head, not wanting to think about it.

"I feel so shit for leaving you guys behind. You've brought me to where I am now and I'm just dropping you." He says, and I'm incredulous.

"Mate, can you hear yourself? You can't control a fucking brain tumour. You're dying, not dropping out of the band. It's not exactly preventable." I chuckle slightly, trust Ashton to be apologetic for being terminally ill.

"I'm sorry." He sighs, and he stands up.

"I need to go and see my... friend." He tells me.

"Friend?" I ask suspisciously.

"Um... girlfriend." He smiles slightly.

"Irwin got a girlfriend, huh?" I smirk at him, trying to force myself to forget about the bad news, even if it is only for a few moments.

"Yeah." He chuckles, and I do too.

"Name?"

"Bryanna Holly." He sheepishly smiles, and I pull out my phone.

"Twitter?"

"bryxholly." He tells me, and I go to her page.

"Holy shit, she's hot! Nice one dude!" I grin, and he blushes slightly.

"Shut up man." He says, before walking towards the door. With his hand on the handle, he turns back around to look at me.

"I love you man. You're one of my best friends, you know that?" He tells me, and I can't stop the tears filling my eyes again.

"I love you too, loser." I chuckle again, and with that, he walks out of the room.

Fuck you, Irwin.

///

I totally didn't cry while writing this

Noooo