and over again [SEQUEL to over and over] [[Jacob Black x OC]] ..twilight..

7

As Jacob started up his car, my anxiety began to shoot through the roof. I entered a frantic, nearly hysterical mindset, and began to act without thinking entirely.

"we can't go," I said suddenly, hopping into the passengers seat, trying to grab the keys and turn the engine off.

"ada, I have to talk to Bella," he said, swatting my hand away from the keys. he looked at me like I was crazy as he swung his door shut.

"please," I begged, grabbing his hand. "we can't go over, you can't go there, not today. can't you just call her?"

"why are you freaking out about this?" Jacob asked, eying me up and down. 

I looked at him, totally unable to answer the question. I didn't know why I was freaking out, but I had a terrible feeling of anxiety about the situation. 

he started to back up in the driveway and I silently shifted in my seat, staring off into space. 

"you okay?" Jacob asked after he got onto the road. 

I shrugged. the intense pain was building again, mostly on the side of my head and in my arm. I needed to take something but I didn't want to set off any alarms in Jacobs head. I did have some pills, but they were in my car.

the car ride was long and quiet. Jacob tried to engage me a few times, asking if I was going to start seeing Carlisle again or maybe a real therapist, asking if I was excited about my senior year, etc. I wasn't interested in talking. he got the message. 

I thought about Jasper and where he might have gone. what was he doing? was he going to come back? what even happened yesterday? he had never gotten like that with me before, despite fooling around a couple of times. I wondered if it was inherent of all vampires, but I remembered what Carlisle said about Jasper not adjusting well to the animals-only diet. I wondered how many people he had killed. I wondered if any of them were like me. I wondered if vampires often killed in the act of sex or if I was just randomly victimized in sexual situations. I wondered if victimized was the wrong word, because I hadn't died. 

when we pulled up to the Cullen's house, Alice was sitting outside on the step. Jacob got out first and I watched with my door open. I wasn't ready to put myself through the whole walking thing.

"you shouldn't be here," I heard Alice say defensively. Jacob took a defensive stance as well, immediately becoming irritated. 

"that's my best friend in there," Jacob said irritably, "I need to talk to her."

Alice looked at him warily, then glanced over at me. she sighed and looked at her feet. "can't you do this another time, somewhere else?"

he shook his head. "no, I need to see her, now."

Alice frowned and crossed her arms. "it's really not a good time."

Jacob ignored her protests and walked around her, opening the door and disappearing inside. I rolled my eyes and slid out of the truck carefully. I gently closed the door behind me, so gently that it didn't close all the way, and walked up to the stairs to the house. Alice watched me wistfully, unmoving from her position at the top of the few stairs. 

"hi," I said quietly. she nodded at me. "is everything... are we.. okay?"

she nodded uncertainly. "we're okay."

"did I do something wrong?" I asked in nearly a whisper.

"no, ada," she said, frowning. when I joined her at the top of the steps, she gently wrapped her arms around me, careful not to hurt me. "I'm just really sad about what happened. I feel awful that you got hurt like this."