Drug of choice - ashtray

VIII

Me fez and ash were sitting on the couch I was laying against ash's front with my feet on top of fez.
"Rues really bad" I said
"I know man"fez said
"I feel bad about everything. I've done drugs with her since day one, I knew she wasn't sober when she got back from rehab and I know she's not sober now but I can't do anything" I said
"Man I feel you, rue got me all worried with this drug shit, especially after the shit with you and mouse" he said
"I don't want this life for you or rue"fez said
"Rue hasn't found any other thing to live for other than drugs. Her sobriety relies on one person. I won't let it get to that point" I said
"Still, I can't watch rue kill herself"I added
"I can't keep selling her drugs"fez said
"I know you can't" I said

The next time rue showed up at fez's, he stuck to his word.
I was sitting in ashtrays room laying down with my feet against the headboard while ash was on his phone.
The doorbell went off and we both went to stand up.
"Who is it"we heard fez ask
"It's me open the door" rues voice replied.
"It's rue"I said getting up
Ash pulled me back down by my waist. He shook his head and shushed me.
"Not today rue, I'm sorry"fez said
"Come on man, don't be a dick" rue said
"I'm serious"Fez said
"All I need is like a few OCs"rue said
"I'm sorry I can't help you"fez said
"Fez fez, I've had a really fucked up day alright,like it's been a really fucked up day so I need you to open the door for me ok, can you open the door please"she said her voice shaking.
I sobbed loudly at hearing rue beg for drugs like this. Ash pulled me towards him hugging me but also covering my mouth so they couldn't hear me crying.
"I ain't gonna help you kill yourself rue"fez said
"Sorry but you can't be coming over here no more, just go home"
"Don't -fez- don't close this-fuck!"she said
"Fez open the fucking door please!" She said
"I'm begging you just open the door"
Me and ash walked out to see fez with his head rested on the door. I walk over to him and he pulls me into a hug while rue shouted insults at him.
"Abbi are you in there, your gonna let him shut me out while your living with him taking whatever fucking drugs you want!" She shouted
I was uncontrollable sobbing now falling to the floor
"You don't go school, I keep mom of your back,I tell her not worry because your safe while your living with a fucking drug dealer and being a fucking hypocrite!" She said
"Open the fucking door!"
"Fuck you!"
"Fuck you fez, fuck you abbi. Ok. Are you doing this because you care about me? Fez,If you gave a shit about me you wouldn't have sold me the drugs in the first place and abbi, you wouldn't have fucking done them with me! You wouldn't have left me! But you did!you fucking did!so open the god damn door!" Rue was screaming and pounding in the door. Each bang making me violently jump. This went on for ages. Ashtray dragged me back to his room and handed me a Xanax.
"I think you should quit doing drugs for real"ash said
"I told you I'm not like rue"I replied
"You've never had to be sober before"he said, and it made sense.
"You just saw how it made rue, is that how you want me to feel" I asked
"I want you to be ok" he said
"You act like you don't give a shit about anyone but you do, your so hostile, you scare me ash, I love you so much, you can be so sweet, but most of the time your just angry" " I understand angry, I get so angry sometimes I can feel my skin heating up , my body shakes so much, I truly feel like I can kill someone when I get angry. But you are always angry, except when you are worried. I feel like they are the only two emotions you feel. Worry and anger. I'd hate to live like that, I would live like that, if it wasn't for drugs."
"I spent my whole entire life either angry at the world or worried about what would happen next. I eventually learned that I cared so much for my family that they where my world, nothing else mattered. So if I really love you, I'm always either worried about you or angry at you" he said
"Before my dad died I was scared to see him, I did everything I could to avoid him, then he died and I felt nothing, I started using after he died so I don't even know if it was the drugs or my fucked up brain that was making me numb ,rue got bad fast, i was careful. When rue went into rehab I got bad too for a while, my mom and gia where grieving and I felt isolated, then she got out and everything was fine, I knew she was still using but selfishly I ignored it. Then I lost her again, she was always with jules and I Couldnt stand to be around my own mother, I hate how I'm making gia feel. No person in my life is stable, people come and go. I hate that I feel like you won't let me in but your still the most stable person in my life, you don't change, and I know you'll always be there, I don't have to worry about loosing you" I said to ash
"I'm glad that I'm not just a burden. Someone who annoys you or gives you reasons to worry" I said
He leaned over coming up to my face and putting one hand on either side of me. I could feel his breath while he held strong eye contact.
"I worry because I love you" ash said
I was taken aback, these things from ash where said with actions, I hadn't even heard him tell fez he loved him.
"I love you too"I said
I didn't know what to do, ash was already pushing all his own boundaries and I had no idea what he wanted, he just stayed there holding eye contact. Despite the fact we where both just sitting there sheepishly not knowing what to do. It was oddly comfortable, just sitting there staring into each others eyes.
"Yo she just left" fez sighed walking in without knocking
Ash sat up quickly
"Are yall ok" he asked
"Yep" I said unconvincingly in a high pitched Voice
"Okay" he said sceptically
"I love you fez"I said
"Is she high right now" he asked ash pointing at me
"Yea"he said
"I love you too" he said still looking confused at ash, who was staring at me smiling.

I really feel like this is something I myself would hate too read. To cringey idk. Very lovey dovey and no real tension. And I tried but I feel so uncomfortable writting anything even a tiny bit spicy even tho I'm 15. Can you all let me know if that would be weird and I'll genuinely try to write it. I'm will not be writing smutt at javon is a minor