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Chapter 5 : Only Lord Knows What's Keeping Me Here

Honestly I might hate him, but he's a good dad I promise. Trust me I know. He than took me out of the bathtub and kissed my belly. He left the room, I dressed myself as comfortable as I can be. When I went to the kitchen he already made me food I couldn't trust him he could see in my eyes. He looked at me and said "Don't worry baby there's nothing wrong with the food." I said "Oh... Okay.." As I ate he kept cleaning the house. Later that day Ryan's mother came. She seem unpleasant I know she hates me it ain't nothing new. She found Ryan and I sitting in the garden. The breeze was calming as the sunset reflected to the sky blue windows. The flowers were colorful like new love was formed. We were finally peaceful, happy and balanced as I held my stomach, he looked at me and gave me a smile but deep down I knew that I was living a lie how painful is it to be Ciara. His mother greeted, her eyes were on us it's new to her. It's been years since we've been like this. She said "Ryan where's the mother of your kids?" He said "She's right here, can't you see her mother?" she looked at me with hate and said "No I mean the one that doesn't lose kids. Where is she?" of course the same old story about my pregnancies. I don't need to beg this woman to love me. He replied "She's in hospital I'll be fetching her tomorrow." She said "Remember not every woman is worth your time I'm sure marrying Ciara was the worst mistake of your life." he shared a tear and said "This is my wife you talking about." She laughed and said "Look how old you are. You already lost more than three kids because of her miscarriages." He said "It was never her fault mama." she said "Oh now you defending her! Out of all people! Sies you disgust me young man! What if she's faking all of this! How are you still in this marriage Ryan! I see her bruises you could as well have killed her! Right Ryan? She's useless!" he said "I've been hurting mama that's why I did the things I did to her" She said "You don't deserve my son you hear me!" honsetly that's so cliché of her. She kept poking me I finally lost it and said "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? YOU CAME TO MY HOUSE TO TALK ABOUT MY MARRIAGE AND MY BABIES! YES YOU ARE SO RIGHT I DON'T DESERVE YOUR SON! I DESERVE A GOOD HUSBAND, WHO IS ABLE TO SUPPORT ME, LOVE ME, CARE FOR ME AND UNDERSTAND ME!" He said "what are trying to say baby?" I stood up and said "YOU NEVER SUPPORTED ME ENOUGH" just like that tears dropped and said "YOU KEPT YOUR OTHER FAMILY A SECRET FOR YEARS RYAN!" I paused to calm myself down he stood up and said "SO YOU THINK I DID THIS BY choice?" I said "yes you did." tears dropped and he tried to hold them but he couldn't he said "I've been saying this, you can't bare me children." I said "that's not an excuse." he shouted "WHY?" I said "Cause you said you'd support me through everything. You said you'd try to make kids with me no matter how long it takes. You said you'll never throw it on my face about my infertility. You said you'd love me til the day you go to your endless sleep. You said you'd give it all in for me!" I than cried so loudly like there was a hole ready to suck me in. I said" I TRU...... I TRU... I TRUSTED YOU RYAN! "I screamed as he came close to hug me. He said" Relax relax I'm sorry" His mother existed the garden he said "I'm sorry how long must I be panished? Please baby don't give up on us." I cried on his arms as his tears dropped on my head. I said "I'm hurting more than you because I thought I had someone who understands me. You were even ready to put me in jail. I married a monster." he said "No, you didn't please don't do me like this I love you." I said "Love? Ryan baby what is love to you?" he said "It's what I feel for you" I said "Your actions don't show, you all about words." I moved away from him and said "I'VE BEEN DISRESPECTED BY YOUR FAMILY SO MUCH YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO DEFEND ME WHEN THEY CALL ME NAMES!" my tears started to dry out as I started to give him a dead stare, I said "LOVE IS KIND NOT SELFISH, you... You disrespected me enough and I lost myself in that process SOZ'UPINDE!" He looked down and said "what about our vowls." I said "You lost them the day you decided to check other woman."