Everything I Never Had the Courage to Say

growth is supposed to hurt

restless sighs
weary eyes
sleepless nights
doubtful minds
countless signs

smart quips
that turned to what ifs
second-guessing
and overthinking
this doesn't feel like living

early morning
sun is burning
your half-assed texting
got me wondering
you're staying
then, you're leaving
God, i hate the risks i'm taking.

laying confused
not sure what to choose
should i take things slow?
Or should I let you go?

That afternoon I spent contemplating,
you spent with her, to complicate things.
I didn't even have to ask you to choose.
Remember, even if I am a lot to handle,
I am also a lot to lose.

I win by losing you,
it hurt because it's supposed to.
Along with chaos you left me,
comes the blessing of clarity:
For the thrill of the tease
is never worth my internal peace.