Everything I Never Had the Courage to Say

breadcrumbs

I am not gonna pretend like I understand where you stood, like I felt how you felt, or that I know all your thoughts.
But I am also done pretending like it didn't hurt,
because it did
and every night, I ask myself why I love the kind of people that makes me feel like I'm constantly self-destructing.

Words taken by heart,
memories before it all fell apart,
they become blades on flesh,
cutting through and cutting deep.
But did you really need to pretend like that?

All these time, and you could've said "No."
You could've walked away,
You didn't have to lead me on.
With each conversation, you fed me false hope.
With the slightest attention,
you made me believe there is a chance.
But there isn't. Not even once.
And you know that, but I didn't.

The question now is: How cruel can you be?

Knowing that it wasn't going anywhere,
yet you allowed me to believe it might.
And I know that we weren't much
but right at that moment,
you were the most I've had.
And the thought of you leaving,
without even pulling the door shut,
without so much as parting words,
a fixed closure...

That was the biggest betrayal,
and i didn't deserve any of it.