Finn

Chapter Eleven

In case anyone is curious I'm writing chapter 34 right now and it's getting WILD I can't wait for you to read it haha

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"It's just that I don't exactly, um, remember everything."

"What?"

"I remember the important things! I remember growing up in the pack. But for the past couple of years there's been...gaps in my memory. Days, weeks, sometimes months where I have no idea where I was or what I did." My words came out rushed and panicked as I tried to assure Cillian. My heart started to race, and he must have heard it, because he flipped his hand over and squeezed my fingers.

"I know nothing good happened in those gaps. When I finally became aware I'd have bruises or cuts, or my whole body would be sore, but I didn't know how I ended up like that." I felt Cillian tense next to me as I spoke, but I didn't stop. I kept my eyes fixed on our joined hands as I explained.

"When I left, I felt like I was going mad. I was spending less and less time alert and remembering things, and I was terrified of what I did when I couldn't remember."

"What was it like before that? The stuff you can remember?" Cillian asked me after a moment. I pursed my lips as I thought back in my memory.

"I've only ever known life with the Kline Pack. I didn't know my parents - I was told they abandoned me and the pack took me in, though I'm not sure I believe it," I told him, rolling my eyes at the story, "Alpha Howard always insisted that he saved me, and I owed him because of that."

"There were other humans in the pack, but we didn't get to spend much time together. We each belonged to a pack member who was responsible for us, and they didn't like it when we socialized. When I was a kid, I was allowed to play with some of the younger werewolves, and I went to school with them. I felt like I was a part of the pack, even though I wasn't a wolf."

"As soon as I turned ten and was old enough to help out, they stopped letting me participate. I was given chores and I'd help out around the pack with cooking or cleaning during the day. At night, I'd go back home and try to hide from Alpha Howard so he wouldn't give me more chores." I chuckled as I remembered all of the terrible ways my ten-year old brain had tried to get out of work. I'd come up with all kinds of hiding spots, I pretended to be asleep, I tried to run away a couple of times. It never worked - Alpha Howard always found me.

"Is that who you...belonged to?" Cillian asked, struggling to say the foreign words. I grimaced at them, hating the sound, but nodded my head.

"He wasn't so bad when I was younger. He always made sure I had a place to sleep and something to eat for dinner. But as I got older he got more and more possessive and more and more angry. He always insisted that I owed him my life because he was the one who found me when my parents abandoned me. 'Finders, keepers' he said. I was his, and he never let me forget it."

"When I was eleven, he didn't let me eat for a week because I back talked. When I was thirteen he caught me trying to run away, and he locked me in the pack cages until he was sure I wouldn't try again. I think I was there for almost a month when he finally let me out."

"When I was fourteen, I was cleaning one of the wolf's cabin and they came back early and waited for me to finish. That was the first time he hit me - when he found out. He said I wasn't allowed to be alone with another man because I was his. After that, he moved me to work in the kitchens because none of the men worked in there."

I found the words spilling out of my mouth before I could stop them. I had spent years teaching myself to keep quiet, and I hadn't realized how badly I needed to release everything that he'd done to me. Cillian seemed to know how much I needed to say it, because he didn't stop me. He listened intently, keeping silent despite the anger shaking through his body.