Finn

Chapter Seventeen

My eyes snapped open, and I shot up in place. I looked around in a panic, half expecting to find Alpha Howard still on top of me. My eyes were wide and wild as I searched the room, my panic subsiding slightly when I recognized Cillian's room.

"Finley? Oh thank the goddess." Cillian was at my side suddenly, his hands reaching towards my face to check on me. I flinched at his touch, unintentionally, and he shriveled away from me, "are you alright?"

"What happened?" I countered, ignoring his question. I was confused more than anything else, and wasn't entirely sure what else I was feeling. Cillian was kneeling on the floor next to the loveseat in his room, while my legs were spread out across the cushions. He watched me sit up fully, eyes full of worry.

"We were kissing, and you just sort of...disappeared," Cillian told her, shaking his head as he struggled to explain it. I frowned, not knowing what he meant, "you convulsed for a moment, and I thought maybe you were having a panic attack or something. But then you just went still and wouldn't respond to anything. I was two seconds from calling Doc in here when you woke up."

"I'm sorry." I said after a moment, unsure what else to say. He say on the couch next to me once I moved my legs, but he made sure not to touch me as he moved.

"Don't be sorry," Cillian told me, narrowing his eyes in a way that told me not to argue, "what happened?"

"I think I remembered something." I answered with a frown, recalling the dream I'd woken up from. It was far too detailed and realistic to be just a dream. As I thought harder about it, the more I could remember outside of the dream.

Waking up the next day with throbbing muscles and bruises all over me. The smirk on Howard's face anytime he looked at me after that. The way everyone else in the pack avoided my eye when they smelled him on me.

"About Howard? What is it?" Cillian pressed, his eyes growing dark at the mention of the other wolf. I felt my mouth go dry, unable or unwilling to say the words out loud to him. I looked away from him, shaking my head and clenching my jaw as I tried to stop myself from crying.

"Did he..." Cillian didn't finish his sentence, but it was enough to push me over the edge. I let out a small sob, my hand immediately covering my mouth as I tried to push the feeling away.

I didn't want to cry over Howard. I didn't want him to have that power over me. But every time I closed me eyes I could feel his breath on my face and his dirty hands touching me, and I felt like vomiting.

My response seemed to be enough to confirm Cillian's suspicions, and he let out a loud growl. His hand curled into a fist, and he gripped the arm of the sofa so hard it cracked. I knew he wasn't angry at me, but I couldn't help but flinch away from him. I shook my head wildly as I jumped up from the couch, taking several steps away from him. The room started to spin around me, and I struggled to take in a deep breath.

"Hey, Finley, I'm sorry. It's okay cool, it's just me. You're safe here." Cillian's anger faded when he saw my panicked state and he took a couple steps towards me. He reached a hand towards me, but I flinched away again. I felt bile rising in my throat as images played in my head over and over again. The dream was on repeat, but other memories started flashing by as everything came crashing back to me.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Finley. But you need to calm down." Cillian urged, taking another tentative step towards me. I shook my head, my stomach rolling as I spun on my heel and rushed to the bathroom. My head was spinning so much I barely made it without falling. I emptied my dinner into the toilet, tears streaming down my face. I leaned my forehead against the cool porcelain, letting the sobs I'd been trying to hold in escape.