I Promise | A Destiel High School & College AU

CHAPTER 9 - I Don't Do Backstories

"I like doing things alone. Eating, reading, riding the bus. I just prefer solitary doing simple actions such as these. But when I see a parent with their child, a person with their lover, or someone laughing with their best friend, I realize something. I realize that even though I like being alone, I don't fancy being lonely."
-Unknown

\\TRIGGER WARNING//
Talk of suicidal thoughts, actions. Self harm.

Cas and Dean had since retreated back to Cas' apartment, both of them dismissing all thoughts of making it to class on time. Castiel seemed uneasy about returning, and it made Dean curious, but he decided not to question it.

When they made their way to Cas' bedroom, Cas sat on his bed while Dean took a seat on a chair beside a desk across from the bed. Cas collected himself and took a deep breath before starting his long, sorrowful story.

"When I was six years old, my family was murdered."

Dean had to blink a few times before realizing that Castiel had stopped talking. He nodded, encouraging Cas to keep going.

"It was my dad, my mom, and my two brothers, Michael and Gabriel. I was at a friend's house when it happened. It was last minute...I almost stayed home. But my mom wanted me to go, cause it was hard for me to make friends. That was the night she gave me the camera, so I could take pictures of my friends. It was the last thing she ever gave me...the only thing I had of her." Dean sighed and bowed his head, recalling the day he smashed that camera into pieces.

"Someone broke in and tied them to chairs. And then he beat them. All four of them. Really...really badly. Then he poured gasoline everywhere and set them on fire. My parents were unconscious, but Gabe and Mike were awake...and, I think that was done on purpose."

"How do you know who was conscious?" Dean asked.

Cas, with a blank stare, replied, "Because the son of a bitch videotaped it. All of it. That's how we knew the fire wasn't an accident, and that's how I know who was awake."

Dean noticed Castiel's hands start to shake, but before he could try and comfort him, he started talking again. "This necklace was the only thing left," Cas said, holding the locket in his hands. "The tape was found in the street, and they had my uncle watch it to identify everyone in the house. And when I was released to him, he made me watch it every day for three weeks until it burned out."

"Jesus," Dean interjected. How could someone do that to a kid? he thought.

"My uncle hated me, even before I started living with him. I was adopted, and he never really accepted me as part of the family. But it got so much worse when I started living with him," Cas said. "It wasn't as bad when I was younger...just harmless things a kid would only think about when he grew up. But when I turned fourteen, he found out I was gay. My whole family was really religious, but no one more than him. He got so angry...he would just kind of lash out with the wrong kind of object in his hands."

Dean could tell this was becoming increasingly difficult for Castiel to talk about. "You don't have to keep going."

Cas nodded. "Yes I do..."

"One night, about two and a half months or so after you left...things just didn't look like they were ever gonna get better. I was so tired of waking up in the morning knowing nothing was going to change. I was so sick of seeing the same face in the mirror that everyone had turned away from, even you.

"Do you know what it's like, to witness and endure all of these things, and be told so often that you deserve it that you actually start to believe it? Metatron, kids at school, and eventually a voice inside my head were all telling my that I wasn't worth any more than what I was receiving: constant abuse and degradation. I was so...alone."

Dean didn't know how much more he could take. But Cas kept talking. "I tied a belt around my neck, and tied the other end around a bar at the top of my closet. It-it was about t-to happen...and I-"

Before Cas could say anymore, Dean had moved to kneel in front of Cas, wrapping his arms around him. Castiel couldn't find the will to keep going. He simply sunk into the feeling of Dean's arms around him, as he felt himself getting closer to the floor with his head resting on Dean's chest.

He didn't cry.

They stayed like that for a while...Dean with his arms around Cas as the boy eventually drifted into a deep sleep, completely forgetting that he had just shared his secrets with Dean and that his uncle was back in his life.

When Dean saw that Cas had drifted off, he picked him up gently and set him on his bed. He was not going to leave him, not again. So he picked up a book from Cas' shelf that looked interesting enough and took a seat in the chair he was in before.

Every once in a while, he would sneak a glance at Cas, just to make sure he was okay, and not at all to satisfy his desire to gaze at Castiel. He looked so peaceful when he slept, and it broke Dean's heart that he didn't feel safe while awake.

One thing Dean was sure of was that Castiel's uncle was not going to get away with the way he had treated Cas.

Dean was eventually so enthralled in the book and his own head that he hadn't noticed himself drifting off in the chair. All he knew was that when he woke up, Cas was gone and there was a blanket around him.

Dean shot up and almost ran to look around until a scrap of paper on the bed caught his eye.

He picked it up and read it:

Dean,

Thank you for listening. I've gone off to school, but I hope this isn't the last I see of you for another year and a half.

-Cas

Dean smiled at the note, and scribbled down a reply, along with his phone number in case anything went wrong.

Dean helped himself to use Cas' restroom before departing, and looked around until he found it.

When he walked in, his vision was immediately dragged down to an open cupboard. He was just going to close the door, but a small metallic box inside caught his eye.

He hesitated before opening, but boy, was he glad he did. Inside were razors. Razors of all shapes and sizes, every make and model, it seemed. Some were dull, others sharp to even look at. Some were still tinted a bit red on the end.

It took everything in Dean to not throw them all away, but he knew it was something Castiel needed to do on his own.

So he waited.

Screw school, he thought. Cas is more important.

But what was really eating away at Dean was the fact that he knew exactly all the information Cas never received. He knew everything.

He can't know, Dean thought. Not ever...