Under My Skin

07 | spontaneity is fun

Chapter seven:

"I'm never drinking again," Hazel muttered, sprawled out on Ria's sofa bed, her feet plopped up on the table, as she scrolled through her Instagram mindlessly.

It had been two days since the night they'd gone to Unit Seventeen, and they were currently debriefing during a girls' pamper night. Indiya had stopped by Boots before arriving, picking up some sheet masks, cheap nail polish and a manicure kit in preparation.

"Amen, sister." Ria nodded in agreement, the thoughts of her antics with Blaine that night still etched into her memory, threatening to never let her forget.

"Oh, come on, guys, it wasn't really that bad, was it?" Indiya teased, a knowing smile laced across her face. The cucumbers placed over her eyes fell with the continued movement of her laughter.

"Indiya, shut up. I literally asked you to sit on my face. I was that fucked up." Hazel cringed at the memory, her hands flying to cover her face with embarrassment. She'd stayed at Indiya's university accommodation that night; it had been closer to the club. The memories of Hazel attempting to seduce the older girl in her drunken state and subsequently painfully failing still playing across her mind.

"You did what, now?" Ria enquired, her mouth dropping open. She was silently glad to hear that she wasn't the only one that had made questionable sexual choices that night.

"She did. And may I add, she asked me, not once but twice." Indiya opted to answer for Hazel, giggling at the stupidity of it all.

"I guess drunken Haze had the right idea," Hazel sighed to herself. "I mean, it isn't really working out with the male species, so I gotta try my luck elsewhere, am I right?" She playfully blew a kiss to the older girl sitting across from her and Ria.

"Maybe you are onto something." Indiya replied, a soft laugh leaving her lips. "But drunken Haze is very sex-obsessed."

"Please, sis, I'm like that sober too. I have my priorities right." Hazel giggled along, using her right finger to perform a check-box action.

"There's more to life than sex, you know." Indiya continued, sitting up as she delicately applied the nude nail polish to her fingernails. "Being with someone and having an actual connection, for example, feels amazing. Feeling happiness when they're happy, feeling the pangs of sadness when they're hurting. Feeling as though you're a physical extension of them, something is missing when they're not there, as though you're not whole without that one person." Indiya babbled on, the words escaping her mouth without any real effort. She halted her nail polish application as she lost herself in thought.

Indiya had felt those very emotions, and now she was terrified she'd never experience them again, for the person who had invoked those feelings in her was gone. Emotionally and physically, she'd lost him forever.

Maybe he'd never even been hers, for someone who could love another so vivaciously so soon after loving her couldn't have ever had true intentions. She shuddered visibly at the thought, attempting to remove the memories of Reid from her brain.

Ria glanced up at the girl, her hand reaching out to offer a comforting stroke. "I don't think I'll ever have that. I don't even think I want that – to feel like an extension of someone else. It sounds so dependent, no unnatural."

"It's not unnatural, Ria. It's the most natural thing in the world – to be in love and to be loved, nothing can ever compare to it." Indiya reassured the younger girl. There were only two years between the girls, but Indiya would always think of Ria as her kid sister.

"And, when they inevitably break your heart? Because they always break your heart. Then, you're left a broken, crippled mess. Nobody can help you because all you did the entire relationship was become completely dependent on another human. And now, you don't even know how to function properly without them." Ria spat out the sentence.